Page 121 of In the Air Tonight

That I’m in this boat is entirely my own fault. Not only did I commit the crimes I’m charged with, but I brought this down on myself by not being content with the nice, quiet life Caroline and I had created for ourselves and our kids. I needed more. Cam warned me. He said I was crazy to open myself up to the scrutiny that would come with running for office. But I was so sure I’d left those troubles behind.

Little did I know. There was a witness. A fucking witness. And now my life is in ruins. Tears run down my face as I change into the suit that Caroline sent for me. I try to imagine her standing in front of my closet in our bedroom, deciding what suit to send to jail for me to wear to my arraignment on felony sexual assault charges.

She’ll hate me for this.

Who could blame her? The thought of her hating me is far more unbearable than the night in jail was.

When I’m dressed, I bang on the door. A cop comes to cuff me and leads me to a communal bathroom. Thankfully, I’ve got the place to myself as I shave, brush my teeth and comb my hair.

I’m cuffed again and led to a State Police SUV for transport to court in Newport. The cop tosses a bag with the clothes I was wearing when I was arrested and the shaving bag into the backof the vehicle. I hope that means they don’t expect me back after court.

Will Caroline be there, or will she stay far away from this nightmare? I hope she stays away almost as much as I hope she comes. I need her, even if I don’t deserve her. I’ve never deserved her. I always knew that. She’s just found out who I really am and must be reeling.

The courthouse is surrounded by media trucks. I’m not surprised. The arrest of a congressional candidate will be big news in this state where political corruption is known to run rampant. Having a candidate accused of sex crimes is a rare occurrence, however. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s made the national news.

I’m led in through a side door where Bennett waits for me. “You’ve drawn a big crowd.”

“Is my wife here?”

“I’m not sure, but your parents are. Cam introduced me.”

Hearing my parents are here leaves me deeply ashamed for what I’m putting them through. If it wasn’t for my kids, I’d end this right now with a guilty plea. Bennett’s words from earlier, about spending their childhoods in prison, has me reconsidering that plan. I need to talk to Caroline before I decide anything.

I’ve never felt shame like this as I’m brought into court in handcuffs, which are removed when I’m positioned next to Bennett at the defense table.

A sheriff’s deputy stands three feet from me in case I get any ideas about making a run for it.

Memories of that long ago summer come flooding back, reminding me of how afraid I was the first time I stood accused of these crimes. That was nothing compared to what I feel now that I have three young children and a wife I love with all my heart—not to mention there being a witness who saw me commit rape.

I’m afraid to look behind me, not wanting to see the disappointment and fear on my loved ones’ faces.

The court is called to order, the judge comes in and the lawyers do their thing. Bennett talks about my deep ties to the community as well as my young family as he assures the judge I’m not a flight risk. No one says anything to me. I’m released on personal recognizance and ordered to surrender my passport pending trial.

“You’ll be taken back into custody until the paperwork for the PR is signed.” Bennett hands me a business card. “Come to my office at four o’clock this afternoon to discuss strategy. Bring a check for fifty percent of the retainer.”

I’m cuffed and taken to a cell in the courthouse.

An hour later, a sheriff’s deputy comes to the cell with the paperwork I’m required to sign. “You have twelve hours to surrender your passport, or you’ll be back in custody.”

“I’ll take care of that.”

“Make sure you do. They don’t fuck around with this stuff. This is a no-contact order that prohibits you from having any contact with the victim or anyone associated with the prosecution.” He hands me the paperwork to take with me.

The door opens, and Cam is there waiting for me, holding the bag with my possessions as well as my phone, which he hands to me. “We need to go out the back. The front is overrun with media.”

Cam’s SUV idles outside the door with Arlo at the wheel.

“Where’s Caroline?” I ask as we speed away from the courthouse. Getting stopped by the cops is the least of our concerns.

“She stayed home with the kids,” Cam said. “We all thought that was for the best.”

I want to ask if “all” includes her, but I keep the question to myself. I’ll find out what she thinks soon enough.

“I talked to Blaise.” Arlo looks at me in the mirror. “She’s not backing down.”

“We’ve got another problem,” Cam says.

“What’s that?” I ask.

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