Page 71 of Kiss Me

“Daddy, you haven’t,” I insist, squeezing his hands.

“My Ace always wants to keep the people around her happy.” He smiles wistfully. “You get that from your mother.”

My eyebrows spike because my father never brings up my mother. He used to tell me all of the time I reminded him of her.

After she died, he stopped mentioning her.

“She was a people pleaser, too,” he continues.

“Why … why are you talking about Mommy?” I ask in a whisper.

He wipes a tear away from my cheek.

“Because you loved her and you deserve to remember her. Just like I do. I’m sorry for not …” He inhales deeply before releasing a shaky breath. “I’m sorry for not being the father you needed me to be after she died.”

I shake my head, but he continues.

“She was the one to always remind me when to slow down when it came to work. She would insist on us taking family vacations and holidays to make sure we all had beautiful memories.

“After her passing, I threw myself into work because feeling the pain of her loss was too much.”

His glossy eyes meet mine. It’s then I realize we’re both crying at this point.

“I know I should’ve dealt with it better. I should’ve let you talk about your mother and cry in my arms whenever you missed her.

“Instead, I pushed you and pushed you until you thought you needed to lie to me so you wouldn’t let me down by walking away from snowboarding.”

“What?”

“I’m so sorry,” he says again before pulling me into a tight hug.

Though his next words are muffled from our hug, I understand him when he says, “It’s okay, Ace. If you want to quit snowboarding and do something else. Don’t worry about sponsors or the X Games or anything else. I will always, always be your number one fan.”

This time it’s me who releases a shaky breath as my dad and I cry in one another’s arms. I don’t know how long we cling to one another, but it feels like hours and no time at all.

But it’s exactly what both of us needed.

A part of me, deep down inside, needed to know that my dad would love me no matter what. If all of the sponsorships, competitions, dreams of another Olympic gold went away, I needed to know that I would still have my daddy.

“It’s okay, Ace,” he says, pulling back and brushing the tears away. “We’ll be okay. Don’t worry about anything. I’ll handle any fall out that may come. We’ll announce your retirement sometime?—”

“Wait, wait.” I hold up my hands, finally regaining my ability to speak. With a shake of my head, I tell him, “I don’t want to retire. Where did you get that idea?”

His forehead wrinkles as he looks down at me, confused. “I … the Collander blog,” he replies. “I read it while waiting for my flight.”

“No, he was wrong. Well …” I correct before pushing out a breath. “He was right about me lying about my ankle. It was never sprained. I just twisted it a little on that fall. Within a couple of days, it was back to normal.”

My father looks even more confused.

“I didn’t lie to get out of the X Games or any other competition. And absolutely not to retire. I just needed a break.Some time off to enjoy the holidays and remember … Mom.” My voice shrinks a little on the last word.

He squeezes my shoulders again.

“I don’t want to retire. I want to win the X Games next month and I damn sure want to return to the Olympics in two years,” I say adamantly. “Nothing about that has changed. I also just wanted a real Christmas.”

His eyes grow even glossier, and it pains me to see the tears running down his face.

“I’m sorry for lying. I didn’t mean?—”

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