Page 28 of Undeniable You

“Jo Jo!” Juni cheered. “I miss my Jo Jo.” Of course she’d claimed her. In a way, Jo was hers.

“Well, you’ll get to see her so soon.”

“Jo Jo,” Juniper whispered. She was so freaking cute.

My parents had also takenJuniper to the beach on Sunday, so she’d been all tuckered out and crashed early that night. I got her in bed and went out to the living room, wondering how it was a mess again when it had been spotless this morning.

Instead of dealing with it, I sent Jo a message before even considering if it was appropriate.

Juniper loves that hippo now. She made me show her more and more pictures and has demanded thatshe wants to go visit for her birthday. Do you know how expensive plane tickets to Thailand are?!

I hoped she laughed when she read that. Her response came a few moments later.

I would say I’m sorry, but I’m not. Oh, if you’re going to Thailand, can I come?

I wished I could see her face. Hear her voice. Her laugh. She was so unexpectedly beautiful.

I’m not sure. Are you small enough to fit in a suitcase?I asked.

For a trip to Thailand? Sure. I’ll fit.

I laughed and then slapped my hand over my mouth. Sometimes Juniper was a light sleeper and I’d trained myself not to make too much noise so I didn’t wake her up. If I did, she insisted on coming into bed with me and I got to spend the night with her tossing and turning and even smacking me in the face. It wasn’t the recipe for a restful sleep.

Sorry, it’s late. I should be getting to bed.I sent.

It’s not that late. I’m a bit of a night owl thanks to school. Too many nights spent writing papers into the wee hours and reading research.

Thinking about being back in school and those late nights made my stomach unsettled. I did my best not to think too much about the fact that I’d dropped out of school. It wasn’t comfortable admitting that was what I’d done. I mean, I guess I could say that I’d put my education on pause, but I didn’t know how I was supposed to finish my degree and run a bookstore at the same time. The odds of even seeing a profit in the first few years were slim.

Oh no, not again. The dooming and glooming. Screw that.

Sometimes I miss that. I don’t miss doing my best to focus while my daughter demands that I watch her newdance moves, but I do sometimes miss the challenge of it.

It didn’t feel strange admitting something like that to Jo. She wasn’t a parent, but for some reason I thought she understood.

You know, I worry that when I’m done with school, when I’m not forced to consume all this academic content and not constantly challenged, that my brain is going to stop working as well. Isn’t that silly?

No, it wasn’t silly. I’d thought the exact same thing. It was one of the reasons why I was so adamant about reading as much as I could. I didn’t want to let go of the drive to learn more. To know more. To improve. Plus, someday my daughter was going to come to me with homework and I was determined to help her with it.

I sent Jo another message and then I was right back into it. Glued to my phone, desperate for her next message, desperate for any second of her attention that I could get. I sucked it in like a dry sponge soaking up a spill and gorged myself on everything she shared with me.

So very unprofessional and wrong and right and wonderful.

Jo and I didn’t even need to talk about anything serious and I still wanted to know what she thought. I’d never been so desperate to know someone’s opinions on anything and everything. When she was a kid, what had she wanted to be when she grew up? Lots of pillows on the bed or less? If she could vacation anywhere, where would she go? I wanted to know all of it.

Just a few minutes ago I’d been tired but now, talking to Jo, I wasn’t so tired anymore. Giddy energy fizzed in my veins as we sent rapid fire messages back and forth almost not even waiting for the other one to respond and creating chaos. I kept trying to slow down but I couldn’t. I had so many things I wanted to say to her. It was as if I’d opened the floodgates and everythinghad spilled out and I couldn’t make it stop. If she hadn’t been as enthusiastic in her messages I might have been worried, but she was writing as many back to me.

Before I knew it, the hours had ticked by and I seriously needed to get to bed. I went through my nighttime routine and kept talking to Jo as I brushed my teeth and washed my face and put on my pajamas and did a quick check on Juniper.

I got into bed with my phone as the only light in the room and kept trying to tell Jo goodnight, but then couldn’t follow through.

Oh my god, it is seriously late. I need to get to sleep if I’m going to be awake enough to take care of Juniper tomorrow. Sorry for keeping you up!She sent and I knew she was right.

You weren’t keeping me up. Not a big deal. I slept in this morning anyway. See you tomorrow?

See you tomorrowShe responded.

I set my phone aside and sighed.

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