Page 3 of Undeniable You

“It’s right here. We’re almost home, my love, and then you can have it.” I held the cup up so she could see it in the backseat.

She let out the heaviest sigh I’d ever heard from a five-year-old.

“Fine,” she said, looking out the window.

“Hey,” I told her, glancing at her face in the rearview as I turned to go toward our apartment, “are you just grumpy about your juice or is there something else bothering you?” My senses told me it was just the juice, but I had just moved her back to Maine and into a new place and she had every right to be thrown off by that. I knew I had been.

My original plan to graduate with my master’s degree in library science was on hold right now. After rushing back to Maine right before Thanksgiving last year to say goodbye to my grandmother, I’d found out she’d left me a hefty chunk of change.

Gram and I had always talked about my ambitions and when I was little we used to dream together about opening up a bookshop. It was silly and fun, but I guess she took those daydreams seriously because when we went to hear the will, she’d left money for me to open my own bookshop.

My moms and I talked all night about what I should do with the money. It had been such a relief to be back with them. I’d been lying to myself about how much I’d missed them. Moving away had been me trying to be strong and stand on my feet and be independent and take care of my daughter on my own but it turned out I didn’t want to do that. As much as they’d both tried to put on a happy face when I left, me leaving and taking Juniper with me hadn’t been a good idea for any of us in the end. Guess I wasn’t meant to be independent.

I could have taken the money from Gram and gone back to school to finish, but…the image of a bookshop kept fluttering through my mind, like an errant butterfly that wouldn’t stop showing up and distracting me.

Normally I wasn’t an impulsive person. The last time I’d acted before I thought about the consequences, I’d ended up with a daughter. After that, I’d decided to think everythingthrough at least three times before making any kinds of decisions.

“What would you say if we moved back to Maine?” I asked Juniper after we’d returned to our apartment from the funeral. Since it was just the two of us, I wanted her to feel like she had a say in what happened to our lives.

Her eyes lit up. She might have gotten most of her looks from me, but she’d gotten her sperm donor’s astonishingly gorgeous blue eyes. “Go home with Nanna and MeeMee?”

“Yup. We wouldn’t live with them, but they’d be close by and we could visit a lot more. What do you think?”

She started jumping up and down. “Yes, yes, yes! I wanna go home!” Before we’d moved, Juni and I had lived in the apartment that my moms had built above the garage. I knew my moms would let us move back in with no questions asked, but I wanted to have at least a little autonomy. We’d get another apartment close by, but not too close.

Sophie was the only other person I’d asked for advice, but she’d been my sounding board for years. When I’d gotten pregnant with Juniper right after high school, most of my friends had said they were supportive, but soon they were canceling plans and ditching me. Some even acted like I was going to infect them with a surprise pregnancy. Like I was contagious.

Sophie had stuck around. She’d gone with me to my appointments, had put her hands on my belly and cried the first time I felt my baby move, had thrown me a very small but very sweet baby shower.

She’d been the best friend that anyone could ask for and someday, when I had enough money, I was going to buy her a week at a spa in Italy or something to thank her. Guess I’d have to get two tickets now because she’d definitely want to go with her girlfriend, Reid. They were a package deal.

Sophie had suggested a pro and con list, which was an excellent idea. When I sat down and wrote down all the reasons to move home, and all the reasons to stay where I was, the answer was obvious.

Before I knew it, I was scouting spaces and signing not only a lease on a new apartment, but one for my very own bookshop.

“Mama, I’m gonna miss you,” Juniper said, bringing me back to the present moment.

“Oh baby, I’m not going anywhere,” I told her.

“But you’re gonna be at the bookshop alllll the time,” she said as I managed to find a parking spot in the very small lot next to our apartment building. We were just on the edge of the city, so there was a little more privacy, less noise, and there was a really nice park just down the street. Not to mention Juniper’s new school was also within walking distance.

“Here is your juice,” I told her as she bounced out of the car.

“Thank you, Mama,” she said, and my heart melted. Even though having Juniper and being a single mom was the hardest thing I’d ever done, I wouldn’t have changed a single moment.

“You’re welcome, my love,” I told her, running my fingers through her reddish-brown hair that exactly matched the color of mine. When people talked about their kids being carbon copies, Juniper really was mine, but with an extra dash of attitude and sweetness I think was all her own.

Juniper chattered to me about anything and everything while I tried to listen and carry everything upstairs, get the door unlocked, and make my daughter wash her hands and then sit down to eat.

I was exhausted, but there was no rest for the weary.

Juniper decided that instead of eating her food, she wanted to have parts of mine, so I just put everything on one plate and ate what she didn’t end up wanting. Then everything was a blur until she was in bed and I was staring at a messy apartment thatI should clean, but that would definitely not get cleaned until tomorrow. If I had time.

Instead of being responsible, I grabbed a soda and sat on the couch to watch all the episodes of TV that I couldn’t watch when my daughter was awake.

I really hoped this nanny that Sophie had suggested worked out. I had a few other leads, but the idea of hiring someone that my best friend had already vetted appealed to me. Plus, she literally had a degree in early childhood education. She might not have been a nanny before, but she was qualified. More important than that was if she’d get along with Juniper. She could be a handful sometimes, and I wanted someone who would appreciate the way my daughter’s mind worked.

I kicked my feet up on the coffee table that was covered in anything and everything and leaned back, trying not to obsess too much about all the things I had to do tomorrow.

---