Page 16 of Undeniable You

Even though I was in the middle of a bunch of things at the shop, I rushed back to Juniper. I didn’t want to be late. Didn’t want her to wonder if I’d forgotten about her.

Of course, when I opened the door, she was fine. Happy and fed and she’d had a lovely day with Jo. No disasters. I’d had to hug her hard so Jo wouldn’t see me shaking with relief.

Once I’d gotten over my mom guilt and my relief that my daughter was in one piece, that attraction to Jo had come rushing back.

She was gorgeous today, with her curly hair pulled back to showcase her face.

But then she’d sort of…run away, and I hoped it wasn’t something I’d said or done. I hadn’t been staring too much, had I? Losing my nanny because I’d been creeping on her wasn’t something I wanted to happen, so I’d really have to stop lookingat her so much. Or at least looking at her as if I was picturing her naked.

Something I definitely hadn’t done in the days since I’d hired her. Especially not late at night when I couldn’t sleep and when my horniest thoughts roamed free and unencumbered.

That was definitely something that couldn’t continue.

But then on Friday night after I’d put Juniper to bed, I was laying in my own and reading a sexy book that was giving me sexy feelings and before I knew it, I was wondering what my nanny looked like naked like some ancient lecher.

No matter what I did, I couldn’t get her out of my mind and I knew if I didn’t do something with all of this energy, it was going to keep me up, so I snuck my hand under my pajama shorts and quickly rubbed one out. Horror set in just after I came as I realized that I definitely shouldn’t have been thinking about Jo when I’d been doing that.

Fucking hell. I was a bad person.

Feeling disgusted with myself, I tiptoed to the bathroom and washed my hands before going back to bed and doing my best to fall asleep.

“Mamaaaaaa,”a voice said in my ear way too early. Like every other day. My daughter loved to rise with the dawn, and it was rough when I’d only gotten a few hours of sleep, but I was used to that. Even though I’d been living with my moms when Juniper was born, I had never been so tired in my life. It was a miracle I’d managed to function during that time. One bad night of sleep wasn’t going to break me.

“Good morning my love,” I said, my voice rough. Juniper snuggled in with me for a while before she begged me forbreakfast. I couldn’t wait until she was old enough to cook for herself. Still, I’d probably stress about her burning herself or setting the kitchen on fire. A mother’s worrying was never done.

Juniper requested french toast with cinnamon apples, which I yawned all the way through making, but it turned out delicious. I’d even drizzled a little bit of caramel on top for a special finish.

It took two cups of coffee before I was ready to face the day.

We needed groceries, but Juniper begged to go to the beach, and I caved. We’d stop on the way back. I packed our bags and found our swimsuits and filled a cooler with sandwiches and snacks and drinks.

Juniper and I sang songs at the top of our lungs as I drove the fifteen minutes to the closest beach. It was going to be packed, but that was okay.

Juniper was a good sport and helped me haul the collapsible wagon that I’d brought with us across the sand.

We managed to find a spot and Juniper only put up a little bit of a fight when I covered her in sunblock before letting her race down the sand to search for shells. I pulled off my loose dress and followed her, bringing the pail so she had something to carry her treasures in.

Juniper managed to fill the pail in only a few minutes with rocks and shells and bits of driftwood.

“You think we’ve got enough?” I asked, dragging the now heavy pail. When I’d gotten pregnant, I hadn’t known how much of my time would be spent being a pack mule.

Juniper looked into the pail and sighed. “I guess. But there are so many good ones.”

“We’ll be back again, don’t worry.” She let me drag her back to our spot and set the pail down.

“Ready to swim?”

With a scream, she ran toward the waves and threw herself in with reckless abandon. I was right behind her, moving witha little bit more caution and knowledge that the water was cold, even in the summer.

Juniper had had baby swim lessons and more when she as a toddler, so I wasn’t that worried about her. She also knew what to do in the event of a riptide, but I was always right here with her. Just in case.

Juniper and I body surfed the waves and floated on our backs and splashed each other. I also let her climb onto my back as I waded into the deeper water.

“Mama, can I be a mermaid?” she asked me.

“You can be whatever you want, baby,” I told her. “Whether that’s a mermaid or anything else. I’ll always love you, no matter what.” I never wanted my daughter to feel like she couldn’t tell me something. No matter what it was.

“I wanna be a mermaid.”

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