Page 85 of Deck the Fire Halls

He grinned. “You do?”

I nodded. “Hell, yes.”

“I thought Gunter might like it too. We could use his center to run classes on certain days or afternoons. Getqualified trainers to come in so these kids have a qualification certificate at the end of it. Maybe even get the high school involved? I’m not sure. I was just reading up on requirements in Montana, but I would assume there’s more to it than meets the eye.” He gave me a shy smile. “I thought it was worth looking into.”

“Definitely.” Then I thought... “I could come down with you. Before work. I’ll need to go home and get showered and dressed, of course.”

He looked down at my still naked chest. “Or not.”

I snorted. “Pretty sure Doug would not approve.”

Rob sighed. “Shame.”

“Would that be okay?” I asked. “If I came with you. I’d understand if you want to keep that part of your life separate from me.”

He was clearly confused. “Separate?”

“Yeah. That thing where we each keep our own thing. I don’t mind. I love that you volunteer at the center. I didn’t want to encroach on your thing. Know what I mean?”

“Not really. Of course you can come with me.” Then he gave me a bit of a side-eye. “Do you have a thing that’s just your thing?”

I snorted. “No. I have work. I work out. Go to Vern’s Bar a few times a month with the boys to watch a game. I go fishing. Nothing that’s just my thing.”

He snorted. “Fishing? That is something that will definitely be something you do without me.”

That made me laugh. I remembered he’d mentioned it before. “Not a fan?”

“Never been. And it’s funny you should mentionthat,” he said. “When I handed in my resignation, the chief surgeon begged me not to throw it all away. She was a friend of mine. Had been for years. She offered me a different role in a quieter department, but honestly, I couldn’t go back. Not to that hospital, not to the same red tape and the same policies. I told her I needed to leave Seattle.” He smiled sadly as he remembered. “I even told her I might look at one of those build-a-school projects in Vietnam or Peru; it was just an errant thought, but god, the idea of actually helping people sounded so damn good. And she said she knew of a small town in Montana that needed a physician three days a week. She said I could go skiing on my days off, fishing in the summer.” He grinned at me and shook his head. “Where she got the idea I’d ever spend one minute of my life fishing, I’ll never know.”

My smile was wide and determined. “Then I’m gonna take you. In the summer, we can drive out on Ponderosa Road, past where we went the other day. There’s a really good spot. Nothing but sunshine in the mountains, the sound of the river, and birds in the trees. It’s a special kinda peaceful you have to see to believe.”

A smile won out, his eyes shining. “Well, the sunshine, mountains, river, and birds do sound nice. You can do the fishing part. For me, it’ll be purely a spectator sport. I’ll bring lunch and a book.”

“Deal.”

He’d just divulged a sliver of his history to me, and while I wanted to know more, I didn’t want to push.

I reached out and took his hand, threading our fingers. “I’m glad your friendconvinced you to come here,” I added. “As rewarding as building a school in Vietnam sounds, helping kids here at the center isn’t so bad.”

Rob nodded, and the mention of his time in Seattle brought it to the forefront, because I didn’t even have to prompt.

“My friend,” he continued. “Alaya Ross, chief surgeon. Helluva of a doctor. I hadn’t seen her for a couple of months and she took one look at me and,” he snorted. “Christ, she thought I’d started taking amphetamines or coke. That’s how bad I looked. I guess the people I worked with every day didn’t notice the decline, but I hadn’t seen Alaya in a while...” Then he sighed heavily. “She asked me what was wrong and I finally admitted I was done. I couldn’t do it anymore. I was so exhausted I could barely function, and I was running on autopilot. It was either going to kill me or someone else. Exhausted doctors shouldn’t make decisions between life and death.”

Oh shit. “Did... did that happen to you?”

He shook his head. “No. But it was bound to. It was only a matter of time before I overlooked a symptom, made the wrong call, or didn’t connect the dots.” He shrugged. “It wasn’t just the pace, the hours, and the trauma. It was the bureaucracy. I was having anxiety before every shift, during and after every shift. I became a doctor to help people, to save lives, and make people’s lives better. And all I found was red tape, bureaucracy, and insurance companies—” He stopped himself. “Being told I couldn’t treat someone because a patient couldn’t afford it or because their insurance companywouldn’t cover it, again and again, just fucking broke me.”

I closed my eyes, inhaled deeply, and let it out slowly, trying to calm down. This poor man. This poor beautiful, compassionate man. I just wanted to scoop him up and protect him.

“I’m glad you didn’t quit,” I said, squeezing his hand. “The world needs more people like you. Not just doctors who care, but people. And I’m really glad you’re here, Rob.”

He smiled and looked out the window for a bit. “I still can’t believe this is my life. It doesn’t feel real. It’s as if I’ve stepped into a movie likeThe Truman Show.” Then he laughed and turned back to me. “You’d tell me if none of this was real, right?”

He was clearly joking, but I wasn’t. “Oh, it’s real. It’s all real.” Everything. The town. Him, me. Us. How I felt about him...

I kissed him again, softer this time, my free hand to his cheek. “I’m so fucking glad you’re here.”

He closed his eyes and lowered his forehead to the side of my face. “Me too.”

---