Page 44 of Deck the Fire Halls

Christ, stop talking, Robinson.

“I do this when I’m nervous, I’m sorry. What I’m trying to say is, depending on how we see this relationship developing and what each of us want from it, is concurrently relative to how soon we have sex.”

He pressed his lips together to stop from smiling. “I see.”

I pulled my hand from his and wiped my palms on my thighs. “See? There’s the awkward I was trying to avoid.”

“Let me get this straight,” he said. “You want to have sex with me but you need to know how I feel about you first?”

I wanted to bury my face in my hands but what he’d said was right. In a nutshell.

“Well, that makes me sound like a virginal teenager whose boyfriend wants to go all the way. Which I’m not, honestly, I just have reasons...” I groaned, because this had far exceeded awkward, and I held up two fingers. “First reason is that I’m new to town and I’m a doctor. I can’t be falling into bed with the first hot stranger who looks at me twice. That’s not professional, and quite frankly, the people of Hartbridge deserve someone who will be a little more upstanding than that. Secondly, if we’re just going to be fuck buddies, if that’s all you want, then that’s fine, but we need to set some boundaries and rules. We each have jobs to think about and reputations within the community that we need to consider. It would have to be secret, and we might have to, I don’t know, take a panel of fencing out in our backyards so you can sneak over without Mr. Ling seeing.”

Smiling, he took my hand again. “Okay, so,” he began.

“You can see now why I told you it was awkward. Asking if you want to date or just be fuck buddies before I invite you to my bed. It’s the definition of awkward and I can now see why Evie said Ihad no rizz.”

He laughed but now held my hand in both of his. “I want to date you,” he said. “I think you’re kinda great, and I want to get to know you better. I would hope that sex is something we could explore, if and when you’re comfortable. The points you made were valid, and I can appreciate you needing to know where I stood before we went any further.” He glanced back over to the front door. “Because that kiss was hot as hell.”

I laughed, relieved and happy. So freaking happy. “It was hot. I think that’s why I panicked. Because I was like two seconds away from taking you to my room, but then it would have made things complicated because we hadn’t talked. Just because I haven’t had sex in a really long time shouldn’t be the leading factor in decision-making.”

Soren bit his bottom lip. “A really long time, huh?”

“Like forever, in gay terms. Maybe two years?”

He seemed surprised by this. “Oh. I see. But you were busy, working crazy hours.”

“And hitting up gay bars or terrible apps really are not my style. I like meeting people the old-fashioned way.”

“Like going out into your front yard to yell at them in your flamingo pajamas.”

“Exactly.” I nodded. “And just so you know, I’m still going to be setting those on fire.”

His eyes lit up. “A fire, huh?”

“Yes. It will be a ceremonial burning. A bonfire, even.”

“Ooh. You’ll need a permit for that. And that’s lucky, because I just happen to be a firefighter. But I willprohibit the burning of those. Any other pajamas are fine.”

I chuckled, but of course then I just had to look at the Hartbridge Fire Department logo on his T-shirt. “Will you wear your firefighter uniform?”

Soren laughed, his eyes wide. “You like it, huh?”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re so hot and you know it.”

His eyes met mine, amused, and he shrugged. “Still nice to be told though.”

“Okay, yes, I find your uniform appealing,” I admitted. “Though, full disclosure, I’ve never found any particular uniform attractive so I’m almost certain it’syouin that uniform. Or... maybe just you in anything you wear, basically.”

His smile was flirty, his eyes sparkled, and he licked the corner of his mouth. It made my breath catch, which of course made him grin. “Full disclosure,” he said. “I’ve never found anyone older than me attractive, never looked twice at any doctor or intellectual type?—”

“Great.”

He chuckled. “But you. One look at you and I was a goner.”

“It was the flamingo pajamas, wasn’t it?”

“One hundred percent.” He laughed, but then he studied my eyes for a heart-stopping moment. “But you, Robinson, there’s something about you. I want to date you. I want to cook you dinner and make you laugh. I want to see you smile because, damn, it trips a circuit in my brain. And I want to kiss you again. Though full,fulldisclosure, now that I’ve kissed you once?—”

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