Page 40 of Deck the Fire Halls

“Nineteen hundreds,” he mumbled to Gunter, as if he wanted Gunter to punish the poor girl.

I chuckled. “Yes, we folks from the nineteen hundreds have no rizz,” I said to her. “It’s fine.”

She clearly liked that she’d rattled us oldies a little. “If you wanna rizz your man, you need less cheugy and more BDE.”

Hamish and I stared at her. “I don’t know what any of that means,” Hamish whispered.

“Ah, no,” Gunter said, intervening. “No BDE in here. Thanks, Evie. But we can take it from here. All good.”

“Just sayin’,” she said, going back to her table. She looked at me. “Make him earn it.”

Oh, dear god.

Hamish put his hand to his forehead. “I think I need to sit down.”

I kind of laughed because I had no idea what just happened. Except that I was officially uncool and old.

Hamish took Gunter’s arm. “What the hell is BDE?”

“Big dick energy,” he whispered.

Oh my.

“Oh my god,” I mumbled.

Gunter sighed. “It just means you need to act cool, like you’re in control. Play hard to get.”

“Make him earn it,” I repeated what Evie had said. Now it made sense.

Hamish was still spiraling, his hand to his forehead, expression horrified. “Nineteen hundreds. I’m from the nineteen hundreds.”

I chuckled. “Damn.”

Gunter nodded slowly. “Oh yeah. They keep you humble.”

“I’m still cool,” Hamish said. His hand was now pressed to his sternum, his expression indignant. “I’m still young and hip. I could hang with the kids.”

“Okay, first of all,” Gunter whispered, “don’t let them hear you say words like cool and hip. They’ll eat you alive. Secondly, don’t show weakness. Don’t let them see your fear.” He shook his head grimly. “And I can tell you with my whole heart, Hamish, that we think we’re young and hip, and we think we’re cool and can hang with the cool kids, but I’m telling you. Five minutes with these guys and you will know—in no uncertain terms—that we are, in fact, neither young, hip, nor cool. We are verymuch almost forty years old, relics from the nineteen hundreds, and cringe.”

Hamish’s hand was now in a campy defense pose across his chest and he let out a wail of despair.

Gunter gestured to him. “My point exactly.”

All I could do was laugh. These guys were so great.

“Do you need a minute?” Gunter asked Hamish. He nodded, seemingly unable to speak.

Gunter then smiled at me. “Coffee?”

“Sounds great.”

I had mostof my Christmas lights up on the front of my house by three o’clock. Well, correction. Clay did most of the work on the ladder while Hamish directed, and I just did what I was told.

I’d asked Soren to help and he’d said he would after four o’clock, but I assumed that was no longer on the table after last night, and Hamish was adamant that I should show him I could do it without his help.

Apparently, Soren turning me down offended Hamish more than me.

I was still in the embarrassed and rejected stage. Hamish had moved straight into anger and said I should use the BDE that Evie had suggested and hang my own damned Christmas lights.

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