Page 19 of Santa's Pretty Helper

I need to tell Gabe how I feel. I need to lay it all out for him so that I can find out where we stand, what he wants, and what he’s willing to risk. Because I know what I want. I want him.

I’m willing to risk everything for the chance to be with him.

And I know exactly how I’m going to show him.

Twelve

Bella

I’ve never been so nervous in my entire life. I think I might throw up, or pass out, or crumple into a ball when my legs inevitably give out.

But no matter how nervous I am, I’m doing it. I’m going to tell Gabe how I feel. I’m going to show him everything he could have. I’m going to be brave and go after what I want. The man I want.

After figuring out my plan of action and getting everything I needed, I called Gabe and asked him if I could come over sometime soon to talk to him about something important. He’d invited me to come over the following evening, and I felt a little guilty for the concern I’d heard laced in his voice. But he’d understand soon. And then everything would be out in the open, for better or for worse.

I swallow thickly and adjust the belt on my thick, wool camel coat, the hem tickling the bare skin of my ankles. It’s full dark out now, and the air smells like snow. The trees are bare, the branches clacking together as a cold wind rushes down the quietstreet. Gabe’s apartment is on the second floor of an old house, and while I’ve always been aware of where it is—he’s lived here for a couple of years now—I’ve never been inside. I’ve never had a reason to.

I look up, and I can see warm lights glowing behind the windows. My hand shakes as I pull my phone out of my pocket and shoot him a text.

Bella: I’m here.

Gabe: Be right down.

His reply comes immediately and my stomach churns sickly with nerves and excitement. My palms are damp, and my heart is skipping frantically in my chest.

I stand on the concrete steps, and I hear Gabe’s footsteps on the stairs before the door swings open, the light from the hallway slicing into the dark night. Warm air seeps out, wrapping itself around me. I’m cold, despite my coat, because I’ve got next to nothing on underneath.

Gabe appears in the door, his broad shoulders blotting out most of the light, and my breath catches in my chest. Oh god, maybe this was a mistake. Maybe I’m not brave enough to do this. There’s a smile pulling at his gorgeous lips, and I shove my hands in my pockets, feeling shy and awkward.

“Hey, Bella,” he says softly in that deep voice that I love so much. He rubs a hand over the back of his neck. “Is everything okay?”

I nod jerkily, not trusting my voice. My heart keeps starting and stopping again.

Our eyes meet, and for a moment neither of us says anything. All we do is stare, tension growing between us. A gust of wind whips down the street, tossing my hair around my face, and he steps back, holding the door open for me. I brush past him as I step inside, and the scent of his cologne hits me like a truck, making my knees week and my stomach dip and swirl. Despitemy thick coat, I can feel the heat of his body as he follows me up the staircase that leads to his second-floor apartment.

At the top of the stairs, Gabe unlocks his apartment door and gestures for me to go in ahead of him. I step inside, and I have the unexplainable sense of being home. Which is crazy, because I’ve never been here before. But it smells like Gabe in here, and it’s perfectly cozy and lived in. It’s warm and inviting. I notice the framed photos on the wall by the front door, and my stomach drops a little at the sight of him and Eric together over the years.

What if I confess everything and he chooses his friendship with Eric? What if I’m not worth the risk to him?

I can picture my heart shriveling up into a raisin at the thought.

“Do you want anything to drink?” Gabe asks, flipping the lock and sealing us inside. I’ve never been alone with him like this before, and adrenaline shoots through me. “Water? Tea? I have some eggnog in the fridge.”

I swallow thickly and lick my lips, then shake my head. “No, thanks.” My voice comes out all creaky and Gabe frowns slightly.

“Can I take your coat?” he asks, and I shake my head quickly.

“No! Um. No, thank you. I’m still a bit cold,” I say, blood rushing to my cheeks.

So smooth, Bella. Way to go.

His frown deepens, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he heads toward the living room, and I trail after him, heart thundering so loud his entire street must be able to hear it.

“So,” he says, sinking down slowly onto his couch. He braces his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped loosely together. “What did you want to talk about? You said it was important?”

I take a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves. I feel like I’m about to unravel. I’ve never done anything like this before. Ever. “I know, Gabe,” I say, my voice a little shaky, and I lick mylips, clenching my sweaty hands in my coat pockets. “About your camming. I’ve…I’ve seen your show. More than once.”

Gabe goes completely still, the only movement the slight rise and fall of his chest. “What?” he asks, his voice barely above a whisper. His eyes are bright and wide, his lips parted.

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