Goddammit, no wonder he had always been at my house every chance he got.
Goddammit. No wonder he had been so fuckingmad.
Beaten. Abused. Molested. God fucking knew what else. I didn’t know if I could stomach knowing, but I wouldn’t stop him if he wanted to tell me. I’d never stop him, if only to unburden him of the load just a little. I could only begin to imagine how heavy it had been to carry all this time.
Nate sniffed and rubbed his hand beneath his nose. "Yeah, I, uh … I don't really wanna talk about that, but, um …" He cleared his throat again. "Anyway, I was treated like shit, so I treated everyone else like shit, including you, but you … you never left. Even when I was a complete fuckin' asshole, even when youshould'vekicked my ass and pushed me out of your life, even when I did some fuckin' certifiable bullshit … you werethere."
"You were my only friend," I whispered, rubbing my fingers over my forehead and the wrinkled evidence of why nobody hadwantedto be my friend.
"And what a shitty friend I was," he grumbled. "You deserved better. I couldn't give you better. I wasn't able tobebetter—you know what I mean? But … youdeservedit. So, what I'm saying is, I don't blame you for ditching my ass after I got you fired."
The breath in my lungs stuttered as I glanced at him, startled that he'd been aware that I had pushed him away intentionally. I thought I'd been inconspicuous, I thought it hadn't been obvious, but apparently, I'd been wrong.
"Nate, man, I'm—"
"Oh, shut the hell up, Rev." He shoved against my arm. "Don't fuckin' apologize. I should be the one apologizing toyou. I got youfired, asshole. You were right for looking out for yourself after that. Honestly, you should’ve kicked me to the curb long before that. And the fact that you didn't throw my ass under the bus? You're a goddamn saint—you realize that, right?"
"Well, I don't know about that," I murmured, shaking my head and feeling awful for ever judging him for anything, knowing now at least a fraction of the hell he'd been through.
Because while he might've been a bad guy once upon a time—maybe even a villain—I had forgotten somewhere along the way that villains were often created by forces out of their control. And when I looked at it that way, didn't they deserve a little compassion too?
"Well, anyway, I'm letting you know that I'm taking care of my shit," he said, grabbing his tacos again and straightening his spine. "And if you wanted to be my friend again—"
"Dude, come on. I neverstoppedbeing your friend. I just … I needed—"
"You needed some separation from my crazy shit—I get it—but you know what I mean. If you wanted to chill again and be friends, I swear, I'm okay."
I dared to smirk as I lifted my taco. "You still breaking into houses?"
He huffed and shook his head. "Jesus, no. And I'm clean, man. No more drugs, no more booze. My girl … she wouldn't put up with my ass if I did any of that shit."
I had to admit, I was impressed.
I had to admit, I was glad Kate had convinced me to come.
I guessed we were both lucky bastards to have the women we had in our lives, helping us to be better versions of ourselves.
“Yeah,” I said just as I was about to take another bite. “That’d be cool.”
***
After I returned home, I thought about just texting Kate, insisting she call me when leaving work, and getting some rest before my phone rang at two a.m. But the pull to be near her was too great, the worry of what might await her when leaving work was too intense, and I knew I would never sleep. So, I showered, threw on some clothes, and went down to the club, not giving a single fuck about how tired I’d be the next morning at the gym.
Kate was happy to see me as I sauntered in, just before opening, but she seemed less surprised than she’d been the other night.
“I’m not sure Saul hired you to be my personal bodyguard,” she teased, wrapping her arms around my waist.
“Nah, I filled the position on my own,” I said before leaning down and pressing my lips to hers. “I didn’t see your car outside.”
“No, I told you before that I was coming in with Crystal.”
Recollection swept over me. “Ah, that’s right,” I muttered with a nod.
The conversation with Nate had blurred every other moment I’d lived that day. Even now, with Kate in my arms and her perfume wafting over me, I was having a hard time notthinking about the things he’d confessed to me. The horrors he’d lived through in that house he shared with his mom and her boyfriend before it burned to the ground.
The memory of that night came back to me then. The explosion that had woken us up. The sight of Nate, covered in soot and blood. God, how the hell could anyone go through the things he’d been through and end upokay? But he wasn’t okay, was he? He never was, probably never would be, but maybe—
“You all right?” Kate asked, ripping me away from the fog in my mind.