Saul dropped his hand from his mouth, letting it thunk against the table. He sucked in a deep breath as his head barely bobbed in a nod.
Then, he whispered, "Thank you, Revan. I speak for all of us when I say that. Wendy, the other girls, myself … Howard …" He shot his hand out to wrap it around my wrist. "Thank you. Hiring you is the greatest decision I’ve ever made, and I hope you know I mean that."
I swallowed against a surge of gut-wrenching emotion and nodded, unable to speak.
And just like that, as if someone had flipped a switch somewhere in this hospital, Saul cleared his throat, straightened his spine, and pulled his hand back.
"You gotta be exhausted," he said, smoothing out the wrinkles in his button-down shirt.
"Honestly"—I coughed, working the lump of emotion from my throat—"I dunno if I could sleep even if I wanted to."
The truth was, I hadn't thought much about what had happened at Kate's house apart from what I could've done differently to prevent it from happening altogether. I hadn't allowed my mind to slingshot me back into that place, where Angela was slumped over and blood oozed from a fatal gunshot wound and Donny lay at my feet, head and face beaten beyond recognition from the assault with a crowbar.
I had done that.
I had beaten him. I had taken his life, stolen his last breath, and maybe I should've felt something toward that. Maybe a sane man would've—agoodman—but I didn't.
I just didn't want to see him when I closed my eye.
I didn't want to see him in my nightmares.
I didn't want Angela to haunt me for the rest of my life, regardless of her death being my fault or not.
Saul nodded, his eyes clouding with understanding. "You'll be okay, kid. Might take a while, but … you will be. You and that girl of yours."
I huffed a humorless laugh. "You don't know that."
"Yeah, I do," he replied, so sure and certain. "I feel it. You will be."
EPILOGUE
And you know what? By some fucking miracle … we were.
A few days after Nate and I had saved Kate and her father, she was released from the hospital, still bruised, stitched up, and bleeding in places no medical team could touch. She went to stay with Saul and Wendy initially while she and I navigated this strange and uncharted territory of our relationship. We quickly learned that being in love after unthinkable trauma was often a hot-and-cold situation, one neither of us could do much to control, but we stuck it out. She was worth it, and I guessed she thought I was too.
During her time at Saul and Wendy's place, her father was moved into a nursing home that could care for him properly. When Kate wasn't with me or at Saul's, she was there with Howard, making sure he was settled and doing well. He never did like change, but this was one he took to easily.
And he asked about me often.
Two months after the attack, Kate asked me to visit him with her. I didn't so much as argue or protest; I just went.
"Revan, ye ol' scallywag!" Howard crowed at the sight of me, his eyes glinting with mirth.
"Hi, Howard," I said, forcing a smile as my mind replaced his bright, happy face with the one from his living room. Wide-eyed, terrified. Splattered with Angela's blood.
My therapist had told me it was normal for the flashbacks to happen frequently, but that it was important to push beyond them.
I was trying.
"Patty tells me you and my Katie girl are getting on swimmingly," he said, nudging his elbow against mine after I took a seat beside him.
My eye met Kate's as I nodded. "We're doing okay, yeah."
"Good, good. That's what I like to hear." His wrinkled hand patted my arm. "But you listen to me, son. Are you listening?"
"Yeah, I'm listening."
"Don't drag your feet. When you know you've met the woman you're gonna spend the rest of your life loving, don't waste any time. Marry her. Give her babies. Remind her every single day for the rest of your life how much she means to you."