Page 89 of Indigo Sky

"Do what?" I asked, clueless.

My heart hammered wildly in my chest, scared that I had somehow ruined every chance I had of making something work with her … but what had I even done? She suddenly seemed as predictable as Nate always had been. Always two seconds away from breaking down, losing control … whatever.

Kate blinked rapidly, swallowed again, then finally met my gaze. "I wasn't supposed to love you," she whispered, her voice carrying on a shred of breath.

My eyebrows rose with shock—shelovesme?!—before lowering immediately with worry. "Wait, wait, wait … you weren't supposed to … but what … why? Wha-what do you mean?" I stammered like a bumbling idiot who had, just this second, forgotten how to form coherent sentences—because, holy shit, shelovedme?! And this was how I found out? This moment of apparent panic and something too close to regret for comfort?

Kate huffed and pulled her hand from mine. I thought she might leave, but she didn't. Instead, she plopped herself down beside me on the bed and leaned forward, laying her face in her palms with a despairing groan.

"Jesus," I muttered, staring at a stain on my bedroom carpet from a time when I'd dropped a glass of grape soda when I was nine. "If I had known that loving me would be so awful, I would've—"

"I'm assuming your parents are married," Kate hurried to interrupt, dropping her palms to her lap.

I nodded. "Yeah, they are."

"Right. And they're happy, I'm guessing?"

"Yeah, I mean, I've never asked, but—"

"My parents hated each other for as long as I can remember," she continued, keeping her gaze forward and down.

Maybe she was looking at the same purple stain.

"They fought constantly—like,reallyfought. They were miserable. Their relationship thrived on make-up sex and toxicity until my mom confessed that she’d been sleeping with pretty much all of my dad’s friends, including his old business partner, and left to live with her fucking boyfriend," she said, anger and resentment dripping from every word. "And it was only after she left that I realized it washer.Shewas the problem. My dad … he wasn't perfect, but hetried, you know? But she would start shit with him all the fucking time until she just decided to … not. And I don't understand it. I'veneverunderstood it. Something brought them together in the first place. They fell in love. They wanted each other … until she stopped wanting him."

"Did he ever stop wanting her?" I asked quietly, not sure what else to say.

She barely shook her head. "I don't think so. I mean … he never dated. But he also didn't have much time before he got sick, so …" She sighed, her breath trembling. "I think he thought he had failed her or something. Like he was the one to make her so goddamn miserable and angry all the fucking time—and who the fuck knows? Maybe he was. But he never hit her, never hitus, never …hurtus the way she hurt him—not that I know of anyway—and I just feel like, what the hell did he do that was so horrible to warrant what she did to him?"

I shook my head without a single clue of where to start. "I … I don't know—"

She turned to me abruptly and snapped, "What didNatedo toyou?"

I tipped my head and narrowed my gaze at the accusation threaded between every word. "How can you—"

"You said you were like brothers. You said you were close. His mom died. And you … what? Got sick of him, so you—"

I held up a staying hand, needing to put a stop to this sudden attack on my character while feeling acutely aware of the guilt worming its way through my bones.

"Okay, okay, listen to me," I said carefully, finally understanding and hating the distrust that was now reflected in her eyes. "What happened with Nate … I took the blame for something he'd done at work. He let me take the fall, and I lost my job. He didn't even bat an eye. He just … let it happen, andI was mad. I was unemployed. I couldn't afford my share of the rent, so I moved back home. That was the catalyst, but there was other stuff. He sabotaged relationships.Hehurtme. Okay? You asked me before if he was a bad guy, and the answer is, yes, he was. He was bad. He was bad for me, and he was bad for himself. I had to do the selfish thing and cut him out of my life. Otherwise, he would've dragged me down with him, and I couldn't let that happen. Ithadto happen because I wouldn't be where I am now."

The war waging in her eyes had softened, but a bitterness still burned the edges of her bright irises as she sniffed a blunt laugh. "What, in your childhood bedroom in your parents' house?" she muttered sardonically.

"Jesus, Kate," I muttered back, raising my gaze to the ceiling. "That's not what I mean. I wouldn't behere. I wouldn't be withyou. And in case you haven't figured it out by now, I fucking love you, too, and I'm sorry if that seems like the end of the world to you, but to me, it—"

"I'mscared," Kate blurted out before clamping her lips between her teeth.

"Of me?"

"Yes!" she exclaimed before catching herself and laying a hand over her mouth. "I'm scared of you, I'm scared of losing you, I'm scared of you just … deciding out of fucking nowhere that you don't want to be with me anymore, I'm scared of driving you away, I'm scared—"

"Yeah, and I'm scared that I'll wake up and realize this was all just a fucking dream," I interrupted, taking one of her handsin mine. "Listen, I don't know what's going to happen, but what I do know is that I've spent the past nine years holding you on a pedestal in my mind. Every woman I've ever been with has been compared to you."

One side of her mouth twitched into a forlorn smile as she bumped her shoulder against mine. "Are we sureyou'renot my stalker?"

"Yes, but I'm not sure Saul's convinced yet," I grumbled sarcastically. "But seriously, if I haven't gotten sick of your memory in all that time, I cannot imagineevergetting sick of the real deal ‘cause, sweetheart, I feel like I've won the fucking jackpot right now.But… if, for some reason, I ever do, I won't just skip town, okay? You'll know. I promise."

"Did Nate know?" she asked quietly, still unable to look at me. But her hand held mine, and I took that as a good sign.

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