Page 72 of The Spider & the Storm

The bartender was silent as he walked away to busy himself with drying glasses at the other side of the empty bar. Satisfied that there wouldn’t be bloodshed in his bar today.

“I know,” I said.

Luke closed his eyes and shook his head. “No, you don’t. You have noideahow hard it is. It’s like having a devil on your shoulder every second of every fucking day, always fucking talking to you. Just yammering on and on and on andon. Saying your name, daring you to just do it, giving you every reason on the goddamn planet to just say fuck it all.”

I felt sick, listening to him talk, witnessing for maybe the first time how unbelievably vulnerable and defeated he felt against the substance that held the leash tied to the collar around his neck. All this time, I’d thought he was just an asshole, stubborn and only focused on himself. But that wasn’t the case at all.

Luke had lost his power somewhere along the way.

He had given it all away to an illness he’d never asked to have.

“So, why don’t you?” I asked, not intending to sound so snarky, but genuinely curious. “If everything is so difficult, why don’t you just give in?”

He sighed and lifted one shoulder in a limp shrug. “Because she’d leave, Charlie. And I don’t know what the fuck I would do without her.”

He was talking about Melanie, of course, but as he spoke the words, I thought about Jersey. Because, holy shit, Ilovedher, and I did so with such a force that I had to slump onto the stool beside my brother and stare ahead at the shelves of multicolored liquor bottles behind the bar.

What would I do if Jersey left me?

Sure, it had only been a few months, and, sure, I knew we were both fairly young without a whole lot of experience under our belts. But I’d always heard that when you knew you had found the covetedone, you simplyknew, and did the amount of time and experience really matter in that equation?

“Luke.”

He glanced at me, looking like a lost, sad dog. “What?”

“How did you know Melanie was it for you?”

His dark, thick brows lowered over his eyes as he studied me for a moment. Staring in an intense, indecipherable way that made me feel defensive and embarrassed at the same time. Suddenly, I wished I had never asked, and I swallowed, ready to run away when his lips slowly spread in a big, stupid grin.

“Ho-lyshit,” he drawled. “Charlie, are you telling me I’m about to meet the girl of your dreams?”

I began to backpedal. “No. I—”

“Does she make your creepy little black heart go pitter-patter?”

Groaning, I slid off the stool. “Oh, for fuck’s sake. Forget I said anything.”

“Wait, wait, wait. Am I about to meet my future sister-in-law? Because, dude, if I am, maybe I should actually try to make a good impression.”

“I hate you,” I grumbled, shaking my head and turning to head toward the door.

Luke was chuckling, enjoying himself too much as I blushed and wished I had seen this coming before opening my stupid mouth. We made our way to the door and crossed the street together to the car, all while Luke giggled to himself and I wondered if it was too late to back out of this dinner altogether.

It wasn’t until I started the car and began to drive that Luke sighed away the remainder of his laughter. He reached over to jab at the radio buttons, ditching The Cure's album of hits to scan the stations for something to listen to until finally settling on something I wasn’t sure either of us knew.

Then, he scrubbed his palm over his mouth and said, “It was when I realized my life would be nothing without her in it.”

I remained silent as I turned to glance at him.

“That’s how I knew,” he said, his voice low and gruff, like he was ashamed to speak the words out loud. “Is, uh, is that how you feel about, um …”

“Jersey,” I offered.

“Right.” He nodded, patting his hand against his thigh. “Jersey. You love her?”

“Yeah,” I admitted. “I really do.”

“Then, do yourself a favor and hold on to her. Do whatever you gotta do. Just don’t let her go,” he said, nodding affirmatively, like he knew best.

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