Page 192 of The Spider & the Storm

Stormy would’ve been fine with heading down to Connecticut to spend Christmas Eve with Melanie and the boys and Christmas Day with her family. Stormy would’ve beenhappy just to see them and celebrate the holiday surrounded by the people who loved us and accepted us for who we were.

But it was me who had stared at the guest room ceiling in her sister’s house in River Canyon and said, “Why don’t we do Christmas at our house?”

Stormy had hesitated despite the reluctant excitement glimmering in her eyes. “Wait,” she had said, sitting up naked to look down at me. “Are you serious? You want to host a holiday?”

I’d shrugged then and replied, “Yeah. Why not? We used to have holidays at my parents’ house all the time when I was a kid. I kinda miss it, I think.”

But what I hadn’t taken into consideration then was that Luke had been there, helping to hang the ornaments and drink the hot chocolate. His stocking had hung beside mine, and his presents had been stacked beneath the tree. There were no presents for Luke now. He lived in the sky, in a little box on the mantel beside our picture, and in the occasional scent of cigarettes, carried along a breeze while I rode his bike around the cemetery. There was no need for hot chocolate where he was, and suddenly, I had little desire to celebrate.

Whatever they told you about grief dulling with time was bullshit. You just got better at hiding it while its deep cuts opened over and over and over again, bleeding all over your broken heart.

Slender, tattooed arms snaked around my waist, hands clasping and hugging. “You okay?”

No matter how well I could hide the pain from everyone else, Stormy could sense it from a mile away. She saw me, and her blinders had yet to go up, even years later.

I sucked in a deep breath, pulling in the scent of cinnamon, black pepper, lavender, and burning wood as I lifted my eyes to the sky. “I think so. Trying to be.”

Her lips touched my back as her arms squeezed around my middle. “Ray called. She says they should be at the gate in a few minutes.”

I nodded and urged my strength to build back up, like steel-plated building blocks. “Okay. Did you hear from Mel?”

“Yep. They’re not far behind.”

“Good. You wanna take a ride with me?”

Stormy’s arms left my waist as she came to stand before me. One hand reached out to take mine while her eyes searched my gaze with an expectancy that left me turning away and laughing uncomfortably.

“What?” I asked, staring at the glittering lights peeking through the branches of our tree.

Her hand pulsed, tightening around mine. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes.” I swung my eyes back to hers before I could get lost in the shine of the tinsel. “Once they’re all here, I’ll be fine. I’m just …” I lifted my hand and gestured to the window and the falling snow. “You know.”

“I do, and that’s why I’m asking. Because if you’re not—”

An impatient groan scraped through my throat as I wrenched my hand from her grasp to wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her body against mine. My lips pressed to the top of her head, and my nose was buried in her pile of thick black hair. As I breathed in her scent, with her hands lying flat againstmy chest, an aromatic salve was slathered over the oozing cracks in my heart, and just like that … I was whole.

Thus was life.

Over and over again, I was shattered by the force of memories both bittersweet and terrible, only to be put back together and healed by this one evergreen woman.

I hated to imagine what would’ve become of me had she not come into my life.

“I’d tell you if I wasn’t,” I said gently, my voice muffled by all that hair.

She deflated with a long exhale, then nodded. “Okay.”

She didn’t ever say it, but she worried about me from time to time, especially around the holidays. I never complained about her pressing, and I didn’t complain when she suggested I see Blake’s psychologist, Dr. Travetti. It was just nice to be worried about and cared for.

“Anyway,” she said, stepping back and patting my chest, “I’ll hang back here and keep an eye on dinner. The last thing we need is for the house to go up in flames.”

I huffed a laugh and reached for my coat. “I guess that’d be my luck. Okay. I’ll be back.”

Stormy pressed her palms to my cheeks and stood on her toes to touch her mouth to mine. “I love you,” she said, her breath warming my lips.

Then, I found myself smiling, although it was a bit reluctant at first as my brain left the dreary cellar of memories and the people I missed. I kissed her again while sliding my arms into the sleeves of my coat.

“I love you too, my love. So much.”

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