Luke gave him a big smile, then looked back at me. I was afraid he’d still look mad, but he didn’t. Instead, there was something else. Something I didn’t understand or really recognize. But the smile dropped from his face, and he clamped his lips together before his eyes bounced to Melanie. Then, another look—another one I didn’t understand—was on his face as his chin lifted and his teeth bit his bottom lip.
“Uh, you know, I should probably get this loser home,” he said to Ritchie. “My dad gave me a freakin’ curfew.”
Ritchie threw his entire body into his eye roll. “Lame.”
“Right? So stupid. But, uh, whatever. I’ll see you Monday, all right?”
Ritchie nodded, seeming to forget all about Melanie and me. “Yeah, all right. Later, man. I’ll give you a call.”
Luke slapped his hand against Ritchie’s back and lifted his chin. “Later.”
I stepped away from the wall, anxious to get out of there. But Luke didn’t make a move to leave until Ritchie walked away, distracted by a girl with big boobs in the adjacent kitchen.
Then, Luke looked at me and whispered, “Are you okay?”
He would’ve laughed if he knew how happy my heart felt to hear him ask that.
“Yeah.”I am now.
He looked satisfied as he turned to Melanie and asked, “You wanna get out of here too?”
She nodded eagerly in reply.
“Okay,” he said, turning toward the door and leading the way. “Let’s go.”
***
She lived down the street from Rob’s house. Luke and I walked her home without speaking a single word, and when we reached her front porch, she thanked us both with a pretty, friendly smile and a quiet, “See you around, Luke,” before disappearing behind her door.
Then, it was just Luke and me, and all I could think about was what he had been doing while I stood alone in his friend’s living room, drinking gross beer and dealing with Ritchie.
We began to walk home in silence, the streetlights passing over us and the sound of our rubber-soled footsteps against the sidewalk filling the space between us. I felt like a little kid beside him, aware now more than ever that he was closer to being a grown-up than I was. GirlslikedLuke. They wanted to kiss him; they wanted to do things with him. Girls looked at me and wanted to run away—like Melanie had when Ritchie told her to kiss me.
I sighed, training my eyes on the sidewalk. I hadn’t ever cared about it much before, but now, I started to think that maybe Iwantedthem to like me. One day at least. And what if they never did?
“Charlie.”
Luke sounded annoyed, and I didn’t bother looking up at him.
“What?”
He didn’t answer right away, and I imagined all the things he might say. Like maybe Ritchie was right, that Iwasweird and fucked up. I mean, kids had been saying it my whole life, so why wouldn’t Luke agree? Or maybe he wanted to tell me how pissed he was that I’d been there, ruining his good time. He could’ve been getting drunk right now or spending more time with that girl—Becky, whoever that was. Maybe he’d even say that he wished he’d never had a little brother at all, and as much as it pinched at my chest to think about it, I didn’t think I would blame him.
I wasn’t sure I’d want me for a little brother either, if I were him.
Every possible reply weighed me down a little more until it felt like a six-thousand-ton brick was sitting on my shoulders, and all I wanted was to drop onto my bed to relieve myself of the pain. I’d probably cry, and I didn’t want Luke to know about that either. He’d think I was a baby, just like Ritchie.
But then Luke finally said, “Don’t let him get to you, okay?”
I was so shocked that I couldn’t speak. I just continued to walk beside him as we turned the corner onto our street.
“You’re not a freak, no matter what he says.”
I swallowed, afraid I would cry right there on the sidewalk, and still, I said nothing.
“And just so you know, I didn’t do it with Becky,” he continued, like I had any idea who she was. “I mean, like, wemade out a little, but we didn’tdo it. I just told Rich that. I’ve never … you know … done it. So …”
I was so confused. Why was he saying all of this to me? It felt more like old times, when we had been little kids, back when we would talk and hang out and the years between us felt more like inches rather than miles.