One year, it was this snow globe of The Rockefeller Center; another, it was a historical novel written by my favorite author, which was signed and personalized to me.
The best was when he reserved an air balloon ride over the town at dawn, and he actually went with me. To see the world come alive with him standing by my side was a memory I’d take to my grave. If I closed my eyes, I could still see us there on top of the world.
The man knew no bounds, and each year he proved how much he truly knew me.
His brother was the complete opposite of him, where Nicholas was sentimental; his brother was over the top. That was how different the brothers were.
I couldn’t tell you how many times I contemplated calling him.
Writing.
Showing up at his home unannounced.
I never did.
I couldn’t.
Rejection was a bitch, and I wasn’t ready to have him tell me to go home or worse not answer me at all. Especially after his brother said he changed his phone number. I barely survived losing him the first time. There was no escaping my thoughts about him. Not when it came to him. The mere fact I was still thinking about him after all the years proved how much I still cared about him.
The more I tried to forget about him, the harder it was. Though in my heart, my soul, something was off. Almost overnight, his brother was kind of there for me in ways I didn’t expect him to be. Almost like by Nicholas leaving, he made it easier for Felix to fill that void.
However, he couldn’t hear Nicholas’s name without tensing, spewing hate, or arguing with whoever brought him up.
I think, in a way, Nicholas became his rival in his own mind. I think it was because Nicholas was always the favorite, and everyone knew it too.
The longer we were together, the more apparent it became that maybe I was definitely in love with him.
I tried.
I begged.
I prayed.
When I looked into his eyes, all I saw was pain where there had once been so much affection.
Devotion.
Love.
Something had changed.
Even in the past couple of days, something was happening to him, and he couldn’t fool me. He was enjoying this as much as he claimed that he wasn’t.
My wants.
Needs.
Expectations.
This future I thought we’d never share felt as if it was atarm’s length now. Every time I thought he was maybe getting closer to his family, they were almost there, an issue would arise, and they’d find themselves on opposite sides of the fence, still looking toward a future they may never have.
Further and further, it flew out of their paths.
As much as I told myself not to do it, we texted all day. Flirting back and forth until I finally agreed to go to his parents’ party with him. My crew was handling the event, so I could enjoy it. I had the best team, and I was beyond fortunate to have them on my side.
I couldn’t stop thinking about three magic words all day.
I love you.