Page 14 of I Knew You Were Trouble

‘So do you have a boyfriend?’ he asks me outright as we cross the road.

I roll my eyes, thinking he needs to work on his interview technique. ‘Do you?’

‘No, no boyfriend, I don’t really swing that way.’

‘Meredith told me none of you have girlfriends. Is that because you’re not allowed?’

‘We’re allowed. But the lifestyle doesn’t really lend itself to successful relationships.’

‘From what I saw last night, some of you make the most of the single life.’

‘Difficult not to when it’s being dangled in front of your face all day. Sometimes we get to let our hair down. Ziggy keeps us away from our dancers on the tour. They stay at a different hotel.’

‘Why, because they’re all female?’

‘The only time we see them is in the gym and for rehearsal. And for the live shows, of course. Plus, they’re on some kind of rotation, I think.’

We keep walking in silence. Aidan seems to know where he’s going. ‘Why did the band break up in the first place?’ I ask.

‘We were exhausted,’ he says, as we cross under another overpass and enter some parkland. ‘Mentally, physically, emotionally. We’d barely had a break in more than four years. We’d put out three albums in that time, promoted them all endlessly, toured… endlessly. Work, work, work, that’s all we did. No one looked out for us, our manager especially. We ditched him. Now we have a new manager, someone we chose, who knows how we want to work, and someone who isn’t afraid to tell the record and management company what’s what.’

‘And are you all happy now?’

‘More or less. But none of us want this documentary.’

‘From what I’ve been told, it doesn’t really matter what you want. We each have to get our jobs done.’

He comes to a halt. He looks down at me, frowning again. ‘Because we’re just performing monkeys, right? When we got back together, we said no more of that bullshit. This time round, things had to be on our terms.’

He shakes his head, then keeps walking. My feet move fast in an attempt to keep up. We reach a vast timber entry gate to the Meiji Shrine, more than ten metres high, constructed in the traditional Japanese style. As I pass underneath, I gaze up at it, amazed by the beauty of its imposing shape. It’s a sacred place, so much so that I don’t feel the need to talk. I watch Aidan, slightly stooped over as he walks, the slender bodyguard still lingering in the near distance. Aidan seems to immerse himself in the peaceful silence, broken only by a pair of girls wanting to take his photograph. He seems happy to oblige, and I offer to take the shot on one of the girls’ phones. They are excitable, but not overly so, and Aidan’s inadequate grasp of the Japanese language only stretches so far. He doesn’t smile, but he does manage to look handsome and effortlessly cool.

‘What do you do on the days when you don’t feel like having your photograph taken?’ I ask when they have moved on.

‘There isn’t an off switch,’ he replies. ‘You’re either a dick about it, or you slap on your happy face.’

‘And if your happy face isn’t in the mood that day?’

He pulls a face like a model, which isn’t all that different from his resting expression. ‘Then you smolder and look broody.’

I let out a laugh. ‘Oh, so that’s what that was.’

He walks backwards, facing me, hands in his pockets. ‘What else did you learn about me then?’

I give a shrug. ‘That fans proclaim you have the best voice, not Caleb. That you are an incredible dancer, despite being tallest. That you’re not as flamboyant as some of the other members of the band. That you have a reputation for being protective but considerate… the sensible one. That you’re closest to Miller, but you’re the oldest, and therefore—’

‘Unofficial Band Leader,’ he interrupts.

I’m about to respond when I’m stunned by the main shrine that comes into view.

‘Last time I came here, they were holding a traditional Shinto wedding,’ Aidan says in a low tone, after I’ve taken some photographs. ‘The bride wore a white silk kimono. They told me she has to hide a dagger in her robe, to protect her family. I love that.’

‘I thought you’d never been here before.’

‘I never said that. I wanted to come back. I like it here, it’s quiet. I can be myself.’

We’re silent for a moment, absorbing the atmosphere. Something in the air makes me feel like it might rain.

‘Why us?’ he says suddenly, standing his ground. ‘Why go from hard-hitting topics to filming a documentary about a boy band you know nothing about? What does an Oscar winner want with Rebel Heart?’

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