Page 76 of Calling Frank O'Hare

‘Fuck knows. I left her at home, but she’s probably had her brother whisk her off to an expensive restaurant by now.’

‘Ouch. Somebody’s a little annoyed there.’

‘We had an argument. Over my cooking, would you believe? I walked out.’

‘Remind me not to criticise your lemon souffle. I’d hate for you to walk out on me.’

‘Very funny.’

‘C’mon, drink up. You need to get pissed.’

Billy was already pissed and Frank was never going to catch up. He tried but it soon became clear that one of them had to be relatively sober to get them home, and it wasn’t going to be Billy.

There was a look of revolted resignation on Eve’s face when she let them in.

‘Frank’s walked out on the lady,’ slurred Billy.

‘Ellen? You’ve left her?’ said Eve.

Billy started to giggle. ‘No, he hasn’t left her. He just walked out in a huff. He’ll be back there in no time, ready for another kicking.’

Eve rounded on him. ‘Shut up, you. The fucking state of you. Do you want to stay here tonight, Frank? You can sleep in the spare room.’

‘Would that be okay? I’ve nowhere else to go.’

‘No bother at all. I’ll make up the bed, then you can help me get that one upstairs.’

Eve’s anger with Billy had fizzled out by the time she came back down. She was even laughing as they dragged him up the stairs, one step forward, two steps back. She pulled Billy’s jacket off before they lay him down on the bed. Frank helped to take off his shoes.

‘I can take it from here. I’m a dab hand at it,’ she said.

‘I’ll go to bed then. Thanks for being so decent about this.’

She started unbuttoning Billy’s shirt and wasn’t listening. Frank hoped she wasn’t anyway. It was a dumb thing to say and he already felt bad enough about the whole situation.

He undressed in the spare bedroom. This room was supposed to have been for Billy and Eve’s kids but they hadn’t happened yet. He’d asked her why not, back when they were having their affair and she’d said they were too busy with work. A while later, she let it slip that they’d been trying for years.

Frank switched off the bedside lamp and lay in the dark thinking about what Billy had said about him going back for another kicking. He was tired of being kicked. Maybe it really was time to walk away.

The door opened and light from the landing filled the room. Eve stood in the doorway wearing a dressing gown. An image of her in Ellen’s robe flashed in front of him and he silently cursed Gavin.

She closed the door gently, walked over to him and took off the dressing gown to reveal bare skin. Frank thought of Billy, sleeping it off in the next room. He should tell her to go. He should get dressed and go back to his wife. He should do both those things, but he couldn’t. He reached out and touched her softly rounded body. There was nothing hard about Eve. Everything was softness. On the outside anyway. She was the exact opposite of Ellen.

‘What about Billy?’ he whispered.

She slipped into bed. ‘He’s comatose. He won’t resurface till tomorrow afternoon.’

‘Eve–’

She put her finger on his lips. ‘Shh.’

He was going to tell her how much he’d missed her, how sorry he was, but he just held her in the dark and made love to her, all the time listening for the sound of Billy’s footsteps on the landing.

49

As long as it’s not you – 1995

From the moment he woke up, Frank was riddled with guilt. The affair had been bad enough but last night, he’d hit an all-time low. He still couldn’t believe he’d done it. He blamed Ellen for pushing him into it. For about ten seconds. Then he gave himself a good talking to. No one could say his marriage was an easy one, but it was no excuse. There was only himself to blame.

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