Page 71 of Calling Frank O'Hare

‘What of it? Oh for God’s sake, Frank. I do wonder sometimes what my sister sees in you. Which brings me to the reason for my visit. Sorry Eve, it’s a little private. I hope you’ll excuse us.’ He dragged Frank into the dining room, gave the table a cursory once over, and closed the door. ‘Ellen wants you to call her. She’s coming back. Here’s the number. I have to go. You will call her, won’t you?’

Frank held onto the back of a chair. All of a sudden, his world was spinning on its axis and in the space of five minutes, it was reshaping.

‘Frank?’

‘Yes. I’ll call her. I … it’s just come as a shock. I’d assumed she wasn’t coming back.’

‘Ellen is full of surprises. I have to go. Roger.’ He shot Frank a glare that told him not to even contemplate trifling with Roger’s name again, but Frank was past that now.

Gavin held the door handle. ‘Ring her tomorrow perhaps, when you’ve had time to take it in, and you don’t have any guests. By the way, I’m glad to see you took my advice. Time to concentrate on your wife now though.’

‘What is it? What’s the news?’ said Eve.

Frank went over to the window and watched Gavin get into his car. He felt dizzy, like he’d just been punched in the head. ‘Ellen wants me to call her. She wants to come back.’

‘The cheek of her. She fucks off and leaves you in the dark for a year, and then expects you to just take her back.’

‘That’s about the gist of it, yes.’

‘You’re not going to though, are you? My God, you are, aren’t you? You’re going to have her back.’

‘I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll call her tomorrow. I owe her that much.’

‘You owe her nothing. Frank, grow a pair of balls will you? She just walks all over you and you lie there begging for more.’

‘Sure, and don’t you do the same with Billy? You think I don’t know how he treats you? No, Billy doesn’t cook for you because he expects you to do everything. Just like he expects you to spend all your hard-earned money on keeping the two of you afloat while he blows his on drink and fuck knows what else.’ Frank stopped before it was too late, but then he saw her face and realised it was already too late. Just like that day he’d stormed up to their place in Belfast to have it out with them, Eve was giving him the hard stare. He’d blown it.

She grabbed her things. ‘This was a mistake. One huge, fucking mistake. Bye, Frank.’

It had been three days and Frank had still not called Ellen. Neither had he heard from Eve. He’d managed to hold it together for work but he’d spent the evenings full of agitation. The night after Eve had walked out, he’d gone round to her house but there was no answer. He’d tried calling her but each time, it clicked over to their answerphone so he put the phone down. Billy was back home now. There was no point in trying her again.

He didn’t know what finally made him call Ellen. He’d all but decided not to after Eve had laid bare how their marriage looked to the outside world, but he was so desperately lonely that he succumbed.

It rang out for such a long time he thought she wasn’t going to answer but now that he’d committed to the call, he couldn’t put the receiver down. He waited in a trance-like state until the tone changed and he heard her voice on the other end of the line.

‘Ellen.’ He was aware that he was croaking rather than speaking.

‘I thought you weren’t going to call.’ How strange it was to hear her again.

‘I nearly didn’t.’ There was a whooshing sound inside his head, as if every drop of blood was firing at his brain. It was too much. His legs went from under him and he slid down the wall onto the floor.

Ellen, of course, was unaware of the effect she was having on him. ‘I understand. I’ve hurt you. I’m sorry. I haven’t been myself for a while. Can you forgive me?’

‘I, I don’t know. It’s been so…’ So, what? His mind finished the words he couldn’t speak So long. So tough. So lonely. So utterly confusing. All of those things rolled into one giant ache.

‘I’ve missed you so much, my darling. Will you let me make it up to you?’

‘I think we may be too late for that, Ellen.’

‘Please don’t say that, Frank,’ she sobbed. ‘I beg you, give me another chance. I’ll make it right, I promise. Surely our marriage is worth another try?’

Was it worth another shot? Frank wasn’t sure. He knew he still loved her but did he love her enough to go through the torture that inevitably came with Ellen? Then again, he had nothing left to lose, and maybe this time things would be different. ‘Okay. We’ll try again.’

Eve had finally agreed to see him the day before Ellen’s return. They’d met up at the pub they’d gone to when they’d bumped into each other at Euston. She wasn’t surprised when he told her Ellen was coming back. She said she knew he wouldn’t be able to say no to her. She didn’t say she was disappointed in him but it was written all over her face. It was probably written on Frank’s face too, because he was just as disappointed in himself.

‘So what do we do now?’ He was hoping she’d suggest they carried on the affair, even though the realist in him knew he was expecting the moon on a stick.

She sighed. ‘What do you want me to say? There’s nothing we can do, except pretend we never happened.’

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