Page 48 of Calling Frank O'Hare

Finn stood up. ‘Right, let’s get on. Frank, me and Marty are gonna go on another hike today to give you some time alone with your painting. Unless you’d rather come with us?’

‘Thanks, but I’m good with the painting.’

They walked down to and along the beach together, until Frank found a good spot. He unfolded his chair next to a big boulder that would be perfect for resting his paints and water on. The dunes behind him would be good for sheltering from the wind that was blowing the sand about. There was no one else around. Martin and Finn were two distant figures now, heading further away.

Frank opened his pad and picked up a brush. So Martin still saw Eve occasionally? Interesting.

31

A state of conflict and guilt – 1982

‘It’s competition time.’ Finn let out a loud rip. ‘Beat that.’

‘Ach, there’s no substance to it. I’ll beat you every time. You’re completely useless. You can’t even fart properly.’ Martin let one out just to prove it. ‘C’mon Frankie Boy, your turn.’

Frank tried to force one out. ‘I can’t. I’ve none left in me. You win again, Martin Thunder Arse.’

Martin started singing his favourite farting contest song, ‘So You Win Again’. Errol Brown would not have been happy if he’d known his blockbuster was being used to such disgusting ends, but Frank and the boys weren’t going to tell him.

Martin and Finn were here, on account of Martin getting into a spot of trouble back home. Da had managed to sweet talk them into a job at a cash and carry but Martin had messed it up by being caught red-handed with stolen goods literally down his trousers. It was decided Finn must be in on it too so they both got the boot. That was bad enough but the real trouble started because with no work they had nothing else to do but hang around the streets. That didn’t just put them on the soldiers’ watch list, it also got them approached by what Ma always referred to as the wrong sort. So a month ago, they were packed off to Birmingham until Da could find them gainful employment back home.

They were supposed to be staying at Cousin Eamon’s but Martin screwed that one up too by trying to get off with Cousin Eamon’s youngest daughter at her seventeenth birthday party. Add to that, Finn drinking the house dry and getting himself spaced out on Eamon’s wife’s Valium, and Cousin Eamon had had enough. So they’d been dumped onto Frank with a promise that once they got back home, their ears would be well and truly boxed all the way from Belfast to Derry. Although why Derry was chosen as the final destination for the boxing of ears was unclear. All Frank knew was that he was under the strictest orders to keep them out of trouble until they all went home next week. It was a trip he couldn’t get out of. Partly because no one trusted that pair to get home in one piece, but mainly because Siobhan was getting married. It was also the Easter break so he was going to be stuck there for the holidays.

Martin and Finn had been with Frank for almost a week, sleeping on his bedroom floor. It had been a good craic, but there was every chance that might change, because Billy was coming tomorrow and Frank couldn’t be sure which way things would go. That’s if he actually got here. Frank had a lecture to go to, and he was having to rely on the eejits to meet Billy at the station.

He turned over in his bed. It felt wrong sleeping in it on his own, but one of the downsides of having house guests was Ellen not being able to stay over. She was okay about it. She thought Martin and Finn were hilarious and naturally, they loved her. That was another downside, he had to keep a good eye on Martin because from where Frank was standing, Martin was a bit too in love with her. And Frank still wasn’t one hundred per cent on whether Martin was seeing Eve, or even if he’d made a play for her, back when she was supposed to be his girlfriend. Basically, he didn’t trust his brother one bit, especially when it came to girlfriends. Past and present.

Another fart ripped through the air, followed by a snigger. Frank pulled the blanket up over his nose. ‘Contest’s over now, Finn. Go to sleep.’

When Frank got back from his lecture the next afternoon, he was relieved to see the eejits had made it back safely with Billy in tow. He was less relieved when he saw Billy with his dirty boots up on the kitchen table. Frank had never seen him do anything like that before, not even in his own house when his ma was on one of her jaunts. The other thing was, he was clearly rat-arsed. ‘Here he is. Francis O’Hare, scholar and gentleman.’

‘How are yer, Billy?’

‘Oh I’m grand. Martin said you’ve got yourself a posh Brit girlfriend. When am I gonna meet her?’

‘Later.’

‘Can’t wait. So where can you get a drink in this shithole?’

When Ellen walked into the pub, every man’s eyes turned on her. Frank had grown used to it now and it didn’t usually bother him, but he hadn’t expected Billy to do the same. Billy followed her every movement until she reached their table. His mouth hung open when she bent over Frank and kissed him.

Frank wanted to tell him to clamp it shut and stop drooling, but Billy was in a funny mood. There was every chance he’d kick off. So he said: ‘Ellen, this is Billy.’

Billy waved his pint at her. ‘Hiya doll. Frank didn’t tell me you were such a looker.’

Ellen looked as if she’d just had the misfortune to walk in on one of their farting contests. ‘Well if it’s any compensation, he didn’t tell me you were such a charmer either.’

Adrian raised his glass at her. ‘Touché. Point to Lottie.’

Billy shot a sneer at Adrian. ‘Who the fuck’s Lottie? I thought your name was Ellen. Have you got two women, Frankie Boy?’

‘It’s a nickname, because he and Frank used to call me The Lady of Shalott. They think I look like the women in the painting. Do you know the painting? Perhaps you’ve heard the poem? Thought not.’ Ellen grabbed Frank’s arm. ‘Let’s go to the bar.’

‘I’m sorry about Billy,’ he said, as soon as they were far enough away.

‘Oh forget him, I’ve got some news. I’ve been approached by a modelling agency. They want me to go to London next week. So I’ll have plenty to occupy me while you’re away.’

‘That’s great. I didn’t know it was something you wanted to do.’

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