Page 108 of Calling Frank O'Hare

‘We ate at the airport. Biscuits will be great. Are those all your dogs?’

‘The one with the blue collar is Frank’s. The other two are mine. I’ll leave them in the garden until you’re all settled. They can be a bit boisterous.’

‘The blue collar, you said? I can see more than a passing resemblance.’

‘I often think the same. Especially when Frank’s just woken up.’

Siobhan gave her a look, very similar to the one Mrs O’Hare had given her a few moments ago. Oops. Possibly too much information. Then, hallelujah, she laughed. ‘So where are they?’

‘They’re in a pub. An old favourite of Frank’s, the Hope and Anchor.’

‘Isn’t that Adrian’s pub?’

‘Oh! You know Adrian?’ Stupid question, since Adrian appeared to know a hell of a lot more about Frank’s family than she did.

‘Of course,’ said Siobhan. ‘Only through Frank though, with him being Frank’s oldest friend. At least, he is now Billy’s gone.’

‘Billy?’

‘Er, yes. Maybe I should call Frank to see how long they’re going to be,’ said Siobhan.

‘It’s okay, I’ll call him. Why don’t you take the drinks in?’

Netta called Frank. It certainly did sound like the whole family knew Adrian, but then that was highly likely, seeing as he was Frank’s oldest friend, according to Siobhan.At least, he is now Billy’s gone.That had to be Billy Mac, there couldn’t be two Billys. But gone? Did that mean he’d left town, or the planet? The planet, presumably. Billy Mac must have died, and it was probably recent. She wondered if Frank knew.

When he picked the call up, the first thing she heard was the song in the background, ‘My Perfect Cousin’. Next, came a bit of man giggling, some phone fumbling and finally, Frank himself: ‘Well if it isn’t the most beautiful woman in the world.’

It was corny and sweet, and probably came from a place of inebriation. Normally, she’d have found it more amusing and done some silly phone flirting, but she had urgent business. ‘Frank, your parents and sister are here.’

‘Shit. We’re on our way.’

Netta had always thought of Frank as a fully grown, fully developed adult male, but standing in her lounge with his hands behind his back and looking very sheepish was a naughty boy who happened to be sixty-one years old. The other two were even worse. The man who had to be Cousin Finn was blinking furiously, and Martin was staring at the floor.

‘And I suppose you’re all very proud of yourselves with your afternoon drinking, getting sloshed,’ said Mrs O’Hare, marching up and down in front of them like a sergeant-major in full dressing-down mode. Any minute now, she’d be calling them an ’orrible lot.

‘Sorry Ma,’ the three men-boys muttered.

‘And as for you, Martin O’Hare. Running off like that and frightening the hell out of us. You left your wife with three fatherless children. Do you hear me, Martin? Not to mention the two, from your other women. I hope you’re thoroughly ashamed of yourself.’

Martin mumbled something that sounded like, ‘Yes Ma.’

‘And let’s not forget the business with that woman whose name shall not be spoken.’

‘Ma, that was a misunderstanding,’ said Frank.

‘Quiet!’ Mrs O’Hare was on a rant that wouldn’t go amiss in a pulpit and she was not about to be contradicted. She had reduced three fully grown men to quivering wrecks and sent the dogs fleeing for their lives into the breakfast room. Netta was in awe. Even her own mum wasn’t this impressive.

‘Whether it’s a misunderstanding or not is something only Bronagh can decide. And I hope for your sake, Martin, she agrees with your brother.’ She gave Frank a withering look that seemed to shrink him a tiny bit more. Then she returned her glare to Martin. ‘You will be returning home with us on Sunday. But for now, your father will deal with you. Gerry.’

Mr O’Hare, who had hardly said a word since his arrival, stood up. ‘Son, you and me need to have a talk.’

Martin looked like a man who’d just been given a death sentence. Frank handed his door keys over to him, and father and son went next door.

Mrs O’Hare rounded on Frank and Finn. ‘And don’t think I’ve finished with you two either. Gallivanting around Scotland. On a road trip, no less, when you were supposed to be bringing him home. You are in my bad books and will remain there for some time to come.’

Siobhan took her mother’s arm. ‘Come on now, Ma. Have a seat. They’re very sorry, aren’t you fellas?’

Frank and Finn stammered and muttered an affirmative.

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