Page 82 of Calling Frank O'Hare

‘You got yourself a Timmy.’

‘I did. What about you?’

‘Nah. No dog to keep the bad guys away. Just me.’

‘You’ve still got me,’ said Frank. But Martin had already been claimed by sleep. Whether it was peaceful or not, Frank didn’t know.

In the absence of any rest of his own, Frank thought about those few days in 1996 when he was certain his life was about to end. He didn’t doubt for a minute that Billy would either kill him, or have him killed. He was the kind of mad bastard that would do just that. It was some years before he stopped looking over his shoulder and under his car, or before the sight of an unusual looking package through the letterbox didn’t leave his mouth dry and his stomach lurching.

Ellen’s pregnancy changed everything. At first she punished him with talk of an abortion but when Frank said they should try again for the sake of the child, she agreed to keep it. Looking back on it, he could see the baby had been her bargaining tool. He wouldn’t be surprised if she’d organised the Paris trip for the specific purpose of conceiving a child. And if Paris hadn’t worked, perhaps she’d have tried something else. Because regardless of his feelings for her, he would never have left a child. He was no Martin, and Ellen knew that.

He wondered whether she’d already known about Eve before that night, because her reaction had been so measured. For Ellen, anyway. After those first few days, she never mentioned Eve or Billy again. It was as if they’d never existed and all that mattered was that she kept him.

Frank’s only stipulation was that they moved to Birmingham. It had been a fight but Ellen eventually agreed to it, only because he’d made it clear his life might depend on it. When they moved into a rented house near Adrian, she was already beginning to show. Adrian and Stella talked them through everything and were much more helpful than the hospital. By the time Robyn arrived they were ready, physically at least.

Frank fell into sleep, his mind replaying the moment his darling daughter first came into the world. It was the one thing that gave him peace.

The morning light shone through a crack in the blinds directly into Frank’s eyes. With all the drama of last night, he hadn’t closed it properly and now he was paying the price. Martin was curled up around him. For some reason that made Frank smile.

Breakfast was a subdued affair. The news of Billy’s death hung over them, and this was the day their road trip ended. None of them seemed ready to come to terms with either of those things.

‘Eve told me that Billy was on the way out anyway. His liver. You know how he was with the drink. He’s been killing himself with it for decades. I guess he didn’t want to hang around to the bitter end,’ said Martin.

‘Do you think the drinking was because of me and Eve?’ said Frank.

Martin shook his head. ‘He was already on that track well before then.’

Something approaching relief found some light in Frank’s mood. His conscience could rest easy. For now, at least.

‘I’m sorry I left it so late to tell you he was dead.’

‘I guess your timing could have been better.’ Frank said it without malice. ‘Is that what this was all about?’

Martin nodded. ‘It was the only way to get you here. I knew Ma and Siobhan would have you come after me.’

‘And Bronagh?’

Martin began to crumble. When did his brother get so soft?

‘Marty, do you think you might consider counselling? It helped me, and I think you’ve a lot going on up there.’ Finn tapped the side of his own head.

Martin shrugged.

‘I know someone who saw a therapist because she had a lot of historic trauma. It really helped her. She’s a changed woman now.’ Frank was thinking of Geraldine, Netta’s mum. He wished Geraldine were here now. She had an uncanny knack of knowing what to say in these situations.

‘I’ll think about it. What time is this flight Siobhan’s booked for me?’

Finn checked the email. ‘It’s tomorrow at ten. We’ve one more night in Glasgow. Let’s make it a proper farewell. Not too mad though. You’ve an early start.’

Martin laughed. ‘Finn Meister, the voice of reason. What happened to you, man?’

‘I grew up.’ Finn was looking a tad pleased with himself in Frank’s opinion. Probably because he knew that against all odds, he’d turned out to be the most grown-up of them all. Certainly the most well balanced.

53

Guilt, regrets, and frilly knickers

Netta had stopped off to see her mum and dad on the way home, so she was a little later than usual. Hence the ensuing madness coming from the two younger dogs in her charge. She let them out into the back garden and they tore around in circles, leaving nothing but carnage behind. They fed off each other. Alone, each dog was something approaching normal. Together, they were quite mad.

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