Page 106 of Calling Frank O'Hare

Frank went out the back way, through the gate into his garden. He could see Finn and Martin in his studio. They let him in through the French windows.

‘We were admiring your work,’ said Finn. ‘Are you selling it now?’

‘I am.’

‘That’s great, Frank. How’s it going?’ said Finn.

Normally he would have shuffled his feet and muttered something like, ‘I get by’ but he was back to thinking about the differences between old Frank and new Frank. ‘It’s going well. In fact, I’ve decided to give up teaching and focus on doing it full time.’ There. He’d said it now. It felt right, but he couldn’t help thinking he should have said it to Netta first.

Martin coughed and shoved his hands in his pockets. ‘They’re pretty amazing. I didn’t know you were that good.’

‘Thanks. I’ve got better. Lots of practice.’

‘Da paints now. You probably already knew that.’

‘I did not.’ And why would he, when he’d been keeping everyone in his family at arm’s length for so long? ‘Listen, I owe you both an apology. I’ve been a blind fool, and I’ve treated you both badly.’

Finn nodded. Martin had obviously filled him in. ‘Will I try to rustle up a healthy breakfast out of that rubbish you’ve got in your fridge?’

Frank smiled. ‘That’d be grand.’ He turned to Martin. ‘Finn’s going to help me get fitter.’

‘Finn’s the man for that,’ said Martin.

‘Aye. He’s a good friend.’ It was just the two of them now that Finn was working away in the kitchen and it felt awkward, but only because there was more unfinished business to be addressed. ‘So are you.’

Martin’s eyes were filling. Jeez, he was such a baby. But that was Martin. That was his brother.

‘I was only ever trying to look out for you, FB.’

‘I know, Marty. I just couldn’t see it before last night. I shouldn’t have cut you out. I should have seen Billy for what he was. Will you be all right?’

‘Aye. Finn’s putting me on a health kick too.’ He tapped the side of his head. ‘A mental health one.’

‘Finn’s the man.’ They’d said it before and Frank had no doubt they’d be saying it many times in the years to come.

‘Finn is the man,’ said Martin, as if to confirm that prediction.

Over breakfast, they talked some more, reframing past events as they did. Then they got to the sticky subject of Martin and Bronagh.

‘I got myself into an awful black hole after I heard about Billy, and Eve was the only one I could talk to. She understood,’ said Martin.

‘Probably because she was going through the same thing. That can help. But if all you do is keep it to yourselves, it becomes self-destructive. You should explain to Bronagh. She’ll understand,’ said Finn.

‘Finn’s right. If you love Bronagh, you need to share everything with her,’ said Frank, making a personal note to take his own advice. ‘Have you spoken to her?’

‘A few messages but we’ve not really spoken since I left Belfast. I er, I’m a bit scared to, actually.’ Martin’s eyes were filling up again.

Frank wanted to comfort him with stories of kids, and dogs, and adventures. He wanted to make the nightmares go away for his wee brother, but they were men now and the world didn’t work that way. There were some things Martin had to do on his own. ‘Why don’t you try her now?’

Martin looked at Finn. Finn nodded in approval. He gritted his teeth. ‘Okay.’

Frank and Finn began to clear up the breakfast things. They could hear the muffled sounds of Martin talking in the dining room.

Finn checked the time. ‘Six minutes. He must have got through anyways. You should come over and scatter Billy’s ashes with us. It’ll give us all some closure.’

‘Maybe. I’m going to talk it through with Netta first. She’s at work now but she wants to meet you.’

‘Does Netta make you happy, Frank?’

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