Page 49 of Filthy Little Secret

There’s something fun about doing this in secret, but it’s also kind of sad. I want to get to know Tim better. I actually enjoy being around him, and even though we just fucked at Mom’s fundraiser, I was glad he was there. He made the night that much easier to handle.

I don’t know why I set my hand on his face. It was just there, and so beautiful. Probably because I’m starting to see us as something more than we are. I don’t even know the guy, so that’s stupid, but I think spending all this time together when we’re hooking up is confusing me…making some part of me think there’s more here than there is.

Tim turns and catches me looking at him.

It’s too late for me to turn away. I expect him to ignore me, but he offers a smile and a wave. The expression on his face suggests he realizes that, at this point, it’s a little silly for each of us to pretend the other doesn’t exist, and I’m relieved.

“Hey, man,” a familiar voice says.

I turn and see Greg standing over me, wearing a hoodie, the impressive muscles he spends all his time at the gym working on stretching the sleeves. Those muscles are even bulkier than normal. Probably something he’s working on now that he’s looking to ensnare a new man.

The soft lighting of the lamp-lit room casts shadows across his cheeks and fills his eyes with a sparkle, reminding me of the first time we met at one of Mom’s speaking engagements. I was hypnotized by those beautiful eyes.

God, what a fucking idiot I was.

“Can we talk?” he asks.

“What’s there to talk about?”

“Come on. Please.”

I need to have a few more drinks in me to have this conversation. I know that. But I owe it, not to him, but to myself. I need closure. I never got that. When I sent Morgan a text and heard a beep only to discover Morgan’s phone in Greg’s bed, I totally lost my shit. After reading through the series of text exchanges between them—the ones that explained the rest—I said my piece and stormed out the door, without getting anything more than that. But I deserved more.

“Sure. Why not?” I say.

I follow behind him, and as Tim glances my way, I make a talking motion with my hand so he’ll know I’m not being shady about anything. I don’t know why. It wouldn’t be any of his business if I decided to fuck Greg tonight. We’ve never said that isn’t okay, but I wouldn’t want him to think that. Because at this point, if I found out about a guy he was fucking behind my back, I wouldn’t be cool about it. Even though I know that’s very likely.

Greg guides me upstairs to an empty room and closes the door.

I make myself comfortable on the queen-sized bed that takes up most of the room. His eyes shift about uneasily.

“You kind of never let me apologize for what happened,” he says.

“So it’s my fault for not letting you apologize?” I consider leaving because of how stupidly he worded that.

“No, that’s not how I meant it. Sorry.”

“What? Now that things didn’t work out between you guys, you think you can come back here and say you’re sorry and everything will be all better?”

He sits beside me. “I fucked up, okay? I know that. I knew that when I started messing around with Morgan.”

“Mybest friendMorgan. Say it. My best friend since elementary school. You came between us, so you’re dead to me.”

“Mark, you’re nineteen. I’m twenty. We’re just getting started out. We’re going to make mistakes.”

“I can’t understand why this conversation is sounding a lot like you’re asking for more than for me to just forgive you.”

“Just listen to me. Let me tell you my side of it, and if when I’m done, you don’t want to hear any more, you never have to speak to me again, okay?”

“Fine. Whatever.”

He runs his thumb under his lip, the way he sometimes does when he’s thinking very hard about how to approach a problem. Like he used to do when he would do his homework in my room with me.

“When we first met, I fell for you hard. Really hard. And it scared me a lot. I’d asked you for help in chemistry, and you were so nice to come over and tutor me.”

I knew him from my mother, and I’d had a crush for a long time, so I wanted to get plowed. That’s the only reason I helped him out. If I’d known how things were going to play out, I would have taught him wrong so that he would’ve flunked.

“You remember when we would talk about studying for an exam, and every time I was supposed to be studying, I ended up making up some excuse or wanting to go watch a movie instead? Sometimes I do things to sabotage myself. I know what’s the right thing, and especially if I’m worried about failing, then I just…fuck things up. Like with Morgan, I was trying to sabotage our relationship—the one good thing I had in my life. The best thing I ever had in my life.”

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