Page 41 of Filthy Little Secret

But I’m enjoying where this is heading.

I shouldn’t because I know there can’t be anything here. Not between a guy like me and a guy like him, but a guy can dream.

I fall asleep and wake up to bright white light.

I have my arm draped around Mark, my face nuzzled against his neck.

His laptop screen is black. Must’ve gone to sleep with us.

I don’t move. Don’t want him to wake up and find me in this position, especially considering how tightly I have my grip around him.

I close my eyes. If I pretend I’m asleep, then it can’t be weird.

And I can keep holding him like this.

I pull him even closer.

It’s not enough, though.

I kiss his neck softly, and I’m relieved when he doesn’t stir.

And I know I’m in fucking trouble, but I don’t fucking care anymore.

13

MARK

“Where have you been, man?” Keith asks.

Sitting across from me at the Starbucks we usually meet up at, he pulls his laptop from his bag and sets it on the table beside his hot cup.

“Just school and work,” I say.

He eyes me suspiciously. “Come on. Don’t play like you haven’t been slung up with some man all this time.”

“Nope,” I say quickly, hoping we can change the subject and move on.

I’m terrible for not telling him about Tim. At first, it was such an easy thing to keep from him. There was no reason to hurt him, but now every time he asks about what I’m up to or why I’m not free to hang out, I feel like a dick for lying.

It’s not any of his business, I keep telling myself. But I know he’ll be pissed when he finds out.

Notwhen,if.

All this time with Tim has been confusing as fuck.

The other morning, the first night he stayed over in the two months we’ve been doing this, I woke up and he had his arm wrapped around me. I should have said something, but it felt so good—so right—that I just lay still so he wouldn’t wake up and realize I was awake. I was perfectly still for an hour, enjoying the sensation of his arm around me and his nose pressed up against the back of my neck. I kept hoping he wouldn’t wake up, and if I hadn’t needed to go to the bathroom so fucking bad after an hour of my performance, I wouldn’t have caved. But when I shook him off, we both acted like nothing weird had just happened.

Maybe he’s used to holding a pillow like that. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t sleep in the same bed with guys…because he knows that’s a possibility. Whatever the reason, I enjoyed it way too much. Just like I enjoy all the time we’ve been spending together recently. God, I knew what I was getting into. I can’t think like this. It doesn’t get me anywhere. And it’s going to complicate things...and scare him away.

Keith eyes me skeptically as he opens his laptop. “If you insist,” he says. “You know, Morgan is already seeing someone.”

“I don’t know that I want to hear about it.”

I won’t say anything to Keith since he’s Greg’s friend more than mine, but truth is, I reveled in their breakup. Morgan reached out to me via a Facebook message, which I haven’t read. That’s a big step that I’m not ready for. Not while I’m still feeling the sting of his betrayal.

“What about you?” I ask, trying to change the subject. “Are you seeing anyone?”

“No. I think I needed some time after you-know-who fucked me over real bad.”

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