Page 79 of Filthy Little Secret

I tremble in his hold.

He pulls out of me and helps me lower my feet to the floor.

As I descend from the high of our fucking, he kisses and embraces me, holding my body close so his torso rubs against mine, the come sticking to him.

I gaze at the camera—our fake audience. One of the things that makes all this so much fun.

* * *

I rest my head against his chest as we lie in my bed together. We’re in my old room that still looks nearly like it did before I left for school.

After we showered, he talked about leaving the mansion, but I wanted to enjoy spending some more time with him, and he didn’t deny me when I asked him to stay the night.

I stroke my fingers up and down his flesh, enjoying the sensation against my fingertips.

“I’m sorry if I scared you,” he whispers into my ear.

“It’s okay.”

I shift my head, gazing up, and he’s looking down at me, his eyes lit up with the lamplight from my nightstand.

He glances around my room.

“So why didn’t you take any of this shit with you? I mean, I don’t want to dis your place or anything, but…”

“I know. I’m working on getting shit, but I can’t afford anything right now.”

“Your mom wouldn’t let you have any of this?”

“She would more than let me have this. She would furnish the whole damn apartment if it was up to her. But it’s not. It’s up to me.”

“Why not let her?”

“Because I don’t want to live my life like that. Feeling like I always owe them something. I mean, they’re my parents, so obviously I always will. But I don’t want to feel like I rely on them.”

“And where were you learning this approach to life while all your buddies were learning how to live off their trust funds?”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t just brush it off. I really want to know. You have this mentality about your parents. With the apartment and the stuff…obviously you know why you don’t take shit from them. At some point, you started saying, ‘No. I don’t want anything from you guys.’”

“I guess after everything with Becky. Everything, since we were little, was always focused on Mom’s career…on getting her to the next level. When I was younger, it was just into congress. And now, she’s the fucking governor. Even that’s not enough. She wants to find a way into the White House. Knowing her, she probably will. When Becky started getting treatment, she kept it quiet from the press. Didn’t talk about it. Everything had to be done in secret. And it was like she was fucking ashamed of what was happening to Becky. And then when we lost her, she started using it as her fucking platform. Wouldn’t talk about it one moment and then used it for votes. I just…I didn’t want any part of the money she earned for using my sister like that.”

Talking about it evokes fresh tears.

“Come here,” he says. I reposition myself so I’m lounging on my side against him and he kisses me.

There’s that relief again.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine. Yeah. I just can’t stand that she’s still doing it. And I don’t feel like a good person when she’s parading me around with her. I’m an accomplice.”

“Then why do you do it?”

“Because I remember a time where she was different. And I remember how much she did for Becky. How much she cried when she passed. I know there’s a good woman in there somewhere. I just haven’t seen her in a long time.”

As I look into his eyes, I see that I’ve stirred up something. I know it’s not about my family, but his.

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