Page 70 of Filthy Little Secret

“Yes, I did. I chose this when I chose you.”

He looks my face, and he turns and wipes his eye quickly.

“Tim, please,” I say, grabbing his arms. I just want him to stay right here and talk to me.

“You shouldn’t have to make this choice, though.”

And I hear the despair in his words.

“You’re scaring me, Tim. Don’t fucking make this into something. You said you wouldn’t hurt me.”

“And I’ve already done that.”

“You know that’s not what I was talking about.”

“I think we need to spend a few days apart,” he says.

“What?”

Days? I don’t even like spending hours apart from him.

“How the fuck is that going to help anything?”

“I think you need to think about everything more. We’ve just been jumping into this. But after what happened, you need to sit down and figure out if this is what you want.”

“I know what I want. I’m not a fucking kid. I don’t need a fucking timeout so that I can figure out what’s right for me.”

“Please. Just do it. For me. I’m not going anywhere, Mark. But I need you to seriously consider what you’re signing up for.”

Why is he doing this to me?

“I get it. It was a lot what we went through last night.”

Tears are starting in my eyes now. Fuck.

“But I don’t need you to leave so that I can sort through things,” I explain.

“Maybe I need to figure some of this out, too.”

“What does that even mean? So you were making this all out to be about me, but really you need to figure this out?”

“Mark, I want to make sure I’m doing what’s best for you.”

“You’re what’s best for me.” I move in for a kiss, but he turns his head.

God, I’m so fucking pissed at him right now.

“You’re being an asshole,” I say.

“We’re not breaking up. I’m not asking for the world. But we rushed into this, and after that, we need to fucking make sure that this is what’s right.”

“I know what’s right.”

“Please, Mark. Just a few days.”

Why does it feel like goodbye, though? Like he’s going to walk out of here and steadily talk himself out of us? I’m scared of letting him leave. I’m scared that he’s going to make excuses to push me away.

“Okay,” I say softly, even though I don’t like it.

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