Page 11 of Ruined

She presses her fingers to my lips. “Dylan, know this, never doubt it, I love you too.”

She doesn’t look happy to say those words. And the way she said it, about doubting, makes me want to question her, but she distracts me and we end up making love on the bench in the shower.

I fall into an exhausted sleep. A couple of hours later, the dogs bark, but I don’t get up. I roll over and settle back into sleep.

FIVE

MINUET

Iwish I could take my motorcycle, but there is still snow on the ground in areas. I hated leaving it, but my vest and it are a part of the life I have to walk away from. Otis and Brutus almost got me busted, but I was able to get the letter written and leave some things for Dylan and my sisters.

As my car climbs out of Fairbanks, my heart aches. I do love Dylan. I’m glad I told him before it all ends. I’ve decided that I’m going to kill Wilder and then myself. I wouldn’t survive prison. It’s too closed in. Plus, I don’t want my family to have to see me in there. It’s a fucked-up thought, but it’s something I’ve contemplated off and on for years.

Right after I was saved, I tried to kill myself several times. The day I found out I was pregnant and had to have an abortion, I started starving myself. Vixen saved my life every time. She found me with my wrists slashed. She found me when I took bottles of pills. But this time, she won’t be there to stop me. My mother’s words roll through my mind.

“You’re better off dead. You’re ruined now and no good. No man will ever want you.”

My tears flow because there is a man who wants me, but I can’t jeopardize his life. As soon as I’m in Nenana, I send a text to Wilder, telling him I’m heading to Anchorage. He’ll chase me down because he wants me more than anyone else. He never got to rape me. As he beat me, he would tell me how I was to be his Eve, and he would make a new society with me.

Wilder

I will have you, little bitch.

His response is exactly what I wanted to see.

I drive until my eyes get heavy, the road blurring in front of me, and pull over in Cantwell at the gas station. I park in front of the store, making sure I’m visible, and lean back my seat to get a little shut-eye.

When I wake up an hour later, I’m more exhausted, but I need to get going. Wilder could come up on me. Another four hours, and I’m rolling into the outskirts of the Mat-Su Valley.

I have a stop to make first. I know it could get back to Riddler, but I need some help.

As I drive through Meadow Lakes, I look up the address on the new phone I picked up before I left Fairbanks. My other phone is at Dylan’s, where I left it after wiping the memory.

When I finally pull up to the clubhouse, I find it’s dark, telling me that everyone is out for the night. I lock up my car, then recline my seat. Might as well get some sleep in. I figure a prospect will be doing rounds soon, maybe in the next hour or so, and they will spot me.

I’m startled awake when someone raps their knuckles against the glass of my driver’s side window.

“This isn’t a Motel Six. Shove off,” a man says. His cut indicates he’s a prospect.

I reach into the back seat and pull up my lightweight cut. I left my other one at Dylan’s for him to give to Riddler. I left a note for her, stating I wanted to go nomad.

I show the prospect my cut and my badge before opening the door.

“I’m here to see Vortex and Zero,” I state.

“Just a moment.”

The door to the clubhouse opens, and a tall man with long hair and a scar around his right eye steps out. I recognize him from the races last summer. He’s handsome in a rugged, Alaskan guy way. His cut, worn over a plaid flannel, displays the president rocker.

“Frenchie.” He says my name, and I smile at him.

“I need some help, if I could.” I give him the respect he’s due.

“Did Riddler send you?”

I shake my head. “No. I’m here on my own. I need Vortex to remove my GPS so Keys can’t track me, and then I was wondering if you had a place I could crash for a week or so.”

He eyes me for a moment. “Yeah, I do, but are you in trouble?”

---