Page 43 of The Christmas You Crash

Oh, god. My body tightens as he rolls his hips and drags his pubic bone against my clit again and again, and I worry he’s right. I worry that I will always chase this feeling. In my dreams, in every relationship I have after him.

“I’m going to ruin you, Lexi. Gonna make you come so hard, you scream yourself hoarse. They’ll hear your pleasure all the way in town.” Ryder’s relentless rhythm slips as I gasp and arch into him. His hips pound against mine and he grinds himself against me. My stomach hollows out, my body tightens, and the warmth in my core ignites into an inferno. Wild, desperate sounds drip from my lips, and he drinks them down like wine. “That’s it, baby. You’re so close, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” I choke out. It’s all I can manage to say as my body coils tighter.

“Good. Me too, Lexi. Fuck, I’m so close. I need you to come for me, baby. Come for me right now.”

And, as if my body was made to obey him, I do. My head arches back and my spine bows off the bed as a strangled cry rips from my chest. That tightness of my body pulls taut as a bowstring before releasing and sending the most intense vibrations through me. I scream, and Ryder holds my hip tight as he pounds my pussy again and again before coming with a guttural moan. His cock pulses inside of me as my pussy flutters and squeezes him. We both still, breathing hard. His forehead presses to my chest as he thrusts lazily inside of me a few more times, dragging out our pleasure as long as he can.

“Shit.” Ryder sags, breathless and sweaty, on top of me, wrapping his arms around my body and pulling me tight to his chest. He presses slow, sweet kisses to my lips, my forehead, and my neck. “Lexi, that was...”

I giggle. “Yeah. Yeah, it was.”

We lay like that until he’s soft inside of me and the sweat on our bodies cools. Still, I don’t want to get up. I don’t want to move, afraid that if I do, this spell will break. I know this is a stolen moment. I know this won’t last. I made sure of that.

But right now? I let myself pretend there’s a future for Ryder and me. One with more of the best sex I’ve ever had. Relishing in the contentedness and safety that comes from being held in his strong, capable arms, I let myself pretend that I’m more important to him than hockey. That he chooses me.

I let myself pretend, even though it’s dangerous to my heart.

A soft brush of fingers across my cheekbone pulls me from my reverie. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to get rid of this condom and grab a washcloth to clean you up, okay?” Ryder presses a lingering kiss to my forehead, then, without waiting for my response, lets go of me and climbs out of the bed.

I miss his heat immediately.

When he pads back into the bedroom and gently drags the warm cloth over my skin, I think that’s going to be it. He’s gotten what he wanted, and he’ll tell me he’s tired and hint that I should go back to my room.

Except, he doesn’t. He tosses the washcloth into the bathroom, pulls back the covers, and drags me beneath them before wrapping his naked body around mine. With my head pillowed on his shoulder and my face pressed into his neck, Ryder slips one of his legs between mine. He shifts and adjusts us until we’re both comfortable and pulls the covers over us.

“This okay?” he asks quietly.

I take a moment to answer because my throat is so tight. “Perfect.”

He hums and kisses my forehead. “I agree. Happy Christmas Eve, Lexi. I had the best day.”

“Me too,” I whisper. “Happy Christmas Eve.”

It doesn’t take long for Ryder’s breathing to grow slow and even. But his arms never loosen around me. He holds me tight to his chest like he’s afraid I’ll leave. And despite how heavy my eyes are, despite how exhausted my body is, I stay awake for as long as I can manage. Because I want to commit this moment to memory. To etch it into my heart, in case I’m never lucky enough to be held like this again.

As sleep makes my thoughts grow fuzzy, I find myself wishing this thing with Ryder didn’t have to end. But I know where I stand. I’ll never come before hockey. Never have. Not even with my own dad. Not even when I was a kid. And if I can’t come first with the man who helped create me, I sure as hell won’t come first with a man I just met. No matter how sweet and perfect he seems.

I’m used to coming in second to hockey. But it’s made me ache. It’s hollowed me out more times than I’d like to admit. I can’t do it again. I won’t.

For once in my life, I want to come first. And that’s why this can never work.

twenty-one

LEXI

There areno arms around me when I wake up. Ryder’s side of the bed is cold, and I have to take a few deep breaths when my chest lurches.

This isn’t unexpected. In fact, this is what I wanted, right? I put restrictions on this. He’s just following my lead. It’s fine.

Still, the bitter sting of disappointment pokes at me as I hurry into my room to use the bathroom, shower, brush my teeth, and get dressed for the day. It’s Christmas morning. We had the most amazing sex last night, and then he held me for hours. That should be enough.

But my heart is a masochist, and the honest part of me can admit I want more. Not that I’d ever reveal that to anyone else.

“This was never supposed to last,” I tell my reflection as I blow dry my blonde hair. “This was a snow-pass. You have no right to be upset or hold any expectations in a situation like this, Lexi. This was your idea, so stop being an idiot.” Even my reflection looks at me like I’m stupid.

So, I put on some light makeup, pick out my cutest pair of leggings and a Christmas sweater that is somehow bothincredibly cozy but also sexy, and suck in a deep breath. I’m going to walk out there and act completely unbothered. Pretend this isn’t my first casual hookup. I’m going to prove to myself that this wasn’t a mistake and that I can handle it.

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