Page 105 of The Christmas You Crash

His words knock the air right out of my lungs. All I can do is gape at the man who was supposed to love and protect me as he finally gives voice to what he really thinks of me. I shouldn’t be surprised. This shouldn’t hurt.

And yet.

I feel every stupid girlish hope I’ve held on to that my dad may step up one day and love me the way I deserve turn to ash. I feel the emptiness those childish hopes leave in my chest when they crumble and blow away in the raging violence of his words.

He actually believes I would date Ryder just to get back at him? That I would play with Ryder’s heart with the intention of breaking it, so I could fuck with my dad’s chance to take the Rogues to the Cup?

I stagger back a step and clutch my chest as Ryder and the rest of the guys start shouting. I don’t hear what they’re saying. The roaring in my ears is too loud. I should have expected something like this, but to hear the words leave his mouth… I’m lost.

I want to run. I want to find some private place, where I can scream at the unfairness of it all, then cry my eyes out.

“How fucking dare you!” Ryder shouts before he wraps his arms around my shaking form.

“Listen, son, I’m just looking out for you and this team. I love my daughter, but she’s not good for you. You’re going places, kid, and she’ll just try to hold you back. Same way her mother tried to hold me back.”

A strangled sob tears out of me. My mom held him back? All she ever did was support him. Love him. Take care of the house and the bills andme. But nothing she did was ever good enough for Arthur Cross. How could I have expected to be any different?

Feeling like a wild animal stuck in a trap, I push at Ryder’s chest, desperate to get away from here. Thrashing and flailing, I struggle against his hold. But he won’t let me go.

I need him to let me go. I need to get out of here.

I knew this would blow up in my face.

How could I have been so stupid? How could I have let myself want this with Ryder? He’s either going to destroy his career for me, or he’ll realize I’m more trouble than I’m worth. Either way, my dad is right—I’m ruining Ryder’s life. Because I am selfish. All I’ve been able to think about is how much I want to be loved by him. How much I want someone to put me first.

Why would Ryder choose me, when my own father won’t? Unless it’s out of guilt. I should take the choice out of his hands. Set Ryder free. I should tell him this is over.

Except, I can’t seem to make the words come out of my mouth.

I love Ryder. So much. And I don’t want to drag him down with me. If the words won’t come, I’ll just run.

I push against his chest again, needing to escape.

RYDER

Lexi’s eyes are wild and filling with tears as she struggles to escape my arms. But I don’t let her go. I’ll never let her go.

Alexis Genevieve Cross is mine, and I will have her back. Damn the consequences.

“Baby,” I murmur, trying to soothe her. “Baby, shh. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

I can’t believe the bullshit that just spewed out of Coach’s mouth like raw sewage from a busted line. If the shouts and objections from my teammates are any indication, they can’t believe it, either.

Here I was, prepared to defend my intentions to the man and reassure him I care deeply about his daughter, and he’s more concerned with my career and the team? What the actual fuck?

“Let me go, Ryder,” Lexi sobs. “Please let me go.”

“Can’t do that, Oscar.” I’m barely able to push the words past what feels like a boulder in my throat. Her pain threatens to choke me. “Never letting you go.”

“Please,” she cries. And when she looks up at me with devastation etched into the set of her red-rimmed green eyes, it takes every ounce of my resolve not to haul off and punch Coach straight in his stupid, hateful face.

Cupping her cheek, I press my forehead to hers. “Alexis Cross, don’t you understand by now?”

She stills, searching my face.

“I’m never letting you go, because I’m so fucking in love with you, it’s ridiculous. So in love that I’m about to get fired for breaking my boss’s nose. I have been from nearly the first moment you opened your mouth and accused me of trying to garrote you. You’re not going anywhere, Oscar. You’re mine.”

Lexi sobs again, but this time, she’s not trying to push away from me. This time, she sags against my chest as the fight drains out of her. “You love me?”

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