Page 76 of Body Checked By the Defenseman

“I know and I plan on moving back into the dorms next year. I still have Briar and Annie at school so I’m not alone, and I’ve become friends with the guys in the house.”

“So you and Mack are good now?” she asks, throwing me off.

She’s referring to the fact that we barely spoke my first two years at Riverside U and it showed when we came home. Macklin barely looked my way and because I was offended, I didn’t pay him any attention.

“We’ve made up since I moved in,” I say with nonchalance.

“I could tell at Thanksgiving,” she returns, and her words seem odd and make my stomach drop.

“What do you mean?” I swallow hard.

“Nothing, just that you seem to be getting along. I’m happy,” she says and the tension inside me eases.

Macklin and Hayden stroll into the kitchen together.

“Good morning,” they say simultaneously.

“I need coffee,” Hayden groans.

Where Macklin looks well-rested, my brother looks like a tired mess.

“There’s a fresh pot over there.” Abuela points. “Let’s get everything cooking and then we can have some breakfast burritos.”

“That sounds amazing,” I say, and Hayden agrees.

“Mack, you can grate the cheese,” Abuela says to him.

“Hayden, you chop the green onion,” she orders.

We all listen to Abuela. She sings in Spanish as we cook, and she asks each of us about our lives. It feels weird to hide the fact that I am in love with Macklin. I’ve always shared everything with Abuela. She knows I was never able to find the right guy to lose my virginity to. She always said that when it was meant to be it would happen, and she was right.

“Well, I’m happy the three of you are living under one roof,” she continues.

“Rubes knows she always has a place by me and that means in Tampa too. You can look for a job out there after graduation,” Hayden suggests. Macklin eyes me, probably wondering where he fits into that picture.

“That’s not a bad idea,” I say to appease my brother.

With all the food cooking in the oven or on the stove, we all sit down for breakfast together.

“This reminds me of old times, even if it is a new house,” Hayden states.

“Kids, there is something I need to tell you. I’ve been keeping a secret for a long time and it’s always been eating away at me, but now that I’m getting older, I keep telling myself what ifsomething happens to me… what if I die and I never tell you guys the truth?” Abuela starts. Macklin is sitting across the table from me and I watch his jaw pulse. We are keeping a secret too, and it’s eating away at him more than it’s eating away at me because I feel like what we have has been our own business. We’ve needed this time without intrusions and opinions from the outside, and I am happy we’ve had the time to explore our feelings.

“What is it, Abuela?” Hayden asks.

Abuela’s lower lip quivers. She looks behind her, maybe to check if there is anyone around. “I asked Mario to take the kids to buy a tree this morning. He couldn’t lift one by himself this year, so we weren’t going to have one since I didn’t want one of those fake things. His son is helping him, and I am assuming the kids are still asleep.”

“This sounds serious,” Macklin says.

“I just don’t want you guys to hate me,” she worries. “I’ve always been so scared of losing you.”

Panic rises inside me.

“Whatever it is, we’ll get through it. That’s what you’ve always said,” Hayden reminds.

Tension crackles between us. It feels almost unbearable. I can’t explain it but I feel like blurting I am in love with Macklin, but this is clearly not the time. It must be my anxiety getting the best of me.

“You’re right,” she says. “My daughter, she was always passionate, determined and strong. When she met your dad you guys were already born. They decided together they weren’t going to tell you. I always told them it wasn’t right but then they split up, and your dad took off, leaving you guys with Carmen. She was in a bad place and left you with me and never came back. Losing Carmen was hard, but I always wanted to believe she was off on some island somewhere living her best life, butthe truth is I worry something bad happened to her.” Abuela begins to cry.

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