Page 16 of Body Checked By the Defenseman

“Yeah, you?” she replies with nonchalance.

“Good,” I answer awkwardly.

“Good,” she repeats.

She gets back to making her sandwich then she turns to look at me. Her face seems a little confused.

“You’ve barely spoken to me in the last two years,” she starts.

“I. . .” I find myself tongue-tied. What is happening to me?

“You were acting freaking weird at the bonfire. . . and what you said last night,” she adds.

“First of all, I haven’t been ignoring you,” I counter.

She gives me a look that says, “Who am I kidding?” She isn’t wrong.

“I’ve been busy.” I shrug.

“Too busy for me?” I hear the hurt in her voice.

“It’s not like that, Periwinkle.” I am at a loss for words. We came to school here together, but keeping my distance made the most sense in order for me to contain my feelings. As we got older, I found I only wanted her more and knowing I would never have her was painful. So I decided out of sight, out of mind was my best option.

“So, what is it like?” she asks, standing her ground.

I sigh.

“Last night. . .” she begins.

“Forget about last night,” I advise her.

“You told me I was beautiful. I can never forget that,” she counters, looking so vulnerable and pretty.

“Periwinkle, you and Hayden are all I have,” I remind.

“You have a funny way of showing I’m important to you.” She snickers, her voice laced with irritation. “Last night you said I was beautiful, and I felt. . .you.”

Shit. She’s talking about the hard-on I got from having her close to me.

“You’re a beautiful girl. You were pressed against me. I’m a guy.” I make it sound like basic chemistry when there is nothing basic about the way I feel about her.

“So that’s all that was then?” she asks.

I don’t know what she is fishing for, but I can’t give her more than that without feeling like I am stabbing Hayden in the back.

“Yeah.” I look her dead in the eyes. “So, what is with you and that guy?” I deflect and I go back to making my sandwich.

“He’s nice enough. I’m seeing him. There isn’t much to tell.”

“Have you slept with him?” I ask unintentionally. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her and him after she walked off with him at the bonfire. Imagining her in a compromising position with him fed the ugly green beast inside me.

I take a huge bite of my sandwich and look at her like I didn’t just ask such a personal question. I’m a fucking mess. What the hell am I doing?

Her mouth opens to an O then snaps shut. Her eyebrows draw together like she is assessing me.

I swallow the bite of my sandwich and open a can of Sprite.

I take a large gulp.

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