Page 99 of Anti Player

“There’s a reason I’m sharing this with you, Maddie,” she confesses, and I wait patiently. “I know you thought I was weak. I saw how you craved attention from boys, the wrong kind of boys.” She smiles, and I blurt out a laugh because she isn’t wrong. “But you’re grown up now. As we grow, we learn from our mistakes. I don’t want you to be hard on yourself for making the decisions you’ve made. Life is a journey. A learning process.”

“And I’m still learning.” I sag into the chair.

“You’re raising a fine young man. Be proud of the mother you are. We all make sacrifices for our children, that’s what love is all about.”

“Did Asher say something to you about leaving New York?” I ask Mom.

She nods. “He kind of mentioned that Kaleb spends a lot of time with you guys, and he may or may not have seen you two kissing.” She winces.

I close my eyes. “Shit.”

“You want to tell me what that’s all about?” Mom asks with a mischievous smile. “He’s a good man.”

“It’s a long story, but we’re temporary,” I reveal to her.

“Funny, because when I catch him looking at you it seems like the real thing,” she shares.

“It’s complicated,” is the only thing I say.

We end our conversation with a hug.

“I’m sorry I never wanted to come back here,” I say to Mom.

“I understand. There was a lot of hurt in this home, but we had good times too,” Mom reminds.

“We did,” I agree.

“I hope you’ll bring Asher for more visits. I heard you’re moving to Texas. I know you’ve been dreaming about that for a while, but sometimes dreams can change.”

“Yeah, I can bring Asher for more visits. I’d like to meet your special man one day.”

“Let me tell your brothers first.” She grins.

“Okay.”

We spent a few more days in Cliftwood. I took Asher to meet my dad. Dad got teary when he met Asher, and he laughed when Asher told him he’d never had a grandfather before. Then we got on a plane for New York City with Brett and Kaleb, while Henry went back to his life in Connecticut.

It was a good trip home in the sense that it gave me closure I didn’t know I needed, and now that I had, it felt good. Mom and I were on better terms, and understanding my father allowed a lot of the anger I felt to leave my body. Now I was packing Asher and me up again. It felt like a common routine in my life. Get settled in a place. Make friends, move on. I looked into some schools for Asher in Texas. The one I liked the most agreed to hold a spot for him and I gave them a deposit. I still had a week to reply for the scholarship and it was crazy I hadn’t replied yet, especially since I booked our plane tickets to Texas for six days from now. I don’t know if I was hoping for another offer to come in from a local culinary school, or I was hoping Kaleb Bardot would profess his undying love for me. But in the meantime, I was leaving things up to fate because I was too much of a coward.

CHAPTER

TWENTY-SIX

Kaleb

I pace back and forth in my apartment. I’ve been losing my mind for the past week. Maddie is leaving New York. That is all I can think about since I heard the news. I won’t have her next door. I’ll miss seeing her beautiful smile, miss holding her in my arms. We are supposed to end in about a month anyway, but I don’t want things to end. How can I tell her that when from the start I promised her this would be casual? We haven’t spoken about anything that would indicate she wants more with me, and I’m a fucking coward. I told her I don’t want a relationship, but I was a blind fool. It took me going home and having my mom basically slamming the door in my face to realize how messed up I was. But that wasn’t the moment I realized I wanted more with Maddie. It was when Asher chased me all the way to the park without me knowing, and having that boy wrap his arms around me. I suddenly realized I want him and his mom in my life always, and not just as friends, but as my people because that is what Maddie and Asher are for me. They are my people, my family. How could I have been so blind? I’m thinking it’s my screwed-up parents who messed with my head, but I’m not them. I’ve always felt like more of a Noble than a Bardot. Thosepeople made me a part of their family and I hadn’t even realized it, but being back home and staying with my best friends made me realize that is what we’ve become somewhere along the line.

I decide to call Connor because I need help dissecting the whirlwind of emotions I’m feeling. He’s in Florida and I need him to pick up the damn phone because I don’t know what to do. I need advice and he’s the only one I can talk to about Maddie.

“Hello,” he says into the phone.

“Thank fuck,” I mutter.

“Kaleb?” he asks.

“Sorry, yeah, Connor, are you on your own? I need advice about Maddie.”

I hear kids laughing and playing around him.

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