Page 98 of Anti Player

“If that’s how you feel, why should you hide it or deny it?” she retorts.

“Because he doesn’t want more. He was clear from the start. It isn’t his fault I caught feelings. I always catch feelings,” I growl. I swipe at my tears and look up to the sky, which is darkening.

“So, the way you feel about Kaleb is the same as you’ve felt for your other boyfriends?” she asks.

“No.” My answer is direct and instant. “It’s not the same. None of my boyfriends have ever been as kind as him, as giving, as supportive. He’s the whole package and it breaks my heart. It’s why I have to leave. I can’t stick around New York and watch him go out with other women once the season starts. It will rip me to pieces, and I’m a mom. I need to be okay for my kid. He’s depending on me.”

“Shit,” Rebel hisses. “This is just so tragic. Are you sure Kaleb doesn’t want more?”

“He gave it to me straight, Rebel. It wasn’t that long ago that we spoke about things. It was after Coney Island.”

“Damn, Maddie, I’m sorry.”

“You see why I need to go,” I say.

“I guess, at the end of the day, you have to do what’s good for you and Asher.”

“Yeah,” I sigh. “Thanks for checking in. It really means a lot.”

“Of course. I’m here if you need to talk,” she reminds me.

We end the call. As I’m walking down the street, I stare at the email I got for the scholarship. I have two weeks to reply. What if I get another offer? Will I stay in New York? Right now, I don’t have another offer on the table. So Texas makes sense. But if I get another offer from one of the schools in New York City, I should maybe take it because Asher is happy there. I’d need to suck it up and handle seeing Kaleb with other women for the sake of my son’s happiness. And I have friends in New York too. Good friends, who are also friends with Kaleb. There would be no way to not see him. I feel like I’m losing my mind because I really couldn’t handle seeing him with someone else. He says he doesn’t want a relationship, but he would probably be hooking up. Especially now that he knows how good sex can be.

I turn around and head back to Mom’s. My head is spinning when I walk in the door.

“Where are the guys?” I ask.

“They all took Asher for ice cream.” She smiles.

I nod.

“You got a minute, Madison?” she asks.

“Sure, what’s up?”

“I thought we could talk. Do you want to come have a seat? I know you met with your father today and it must be a lot to digest, but I have some things to say too.”

I follow Mom to the dining table. She’s already cleared dinner off.

“I know you don’t like to come back here. I know this place brings back bad memories for you, and I want to say I’m sorry.I did the best I could, given the circumstances. Andrew always came back. He always said he loved us. He was a sick man and nothing I said or did would help him. He doesn’t have any other family and his friends, those people he went on binges, with weren’t friends. They were sick like him,” she explains.

“That must have been so hard for you,” I say, reaching my hand out to hers. “As a single mom of one kid, I’m struggling. I can’t imagine how hard it was to raise the three of us on your own.”

“It was hard, Maddie. I had to work extra hours to put food on the table. Then there was Brett’s hockey, that was a huge expense. Luckily, Henry got that scholarship.” She chuckles. “And you loved to be with me in the kitchen. I always had to come up with cheap ways to feed us and keep us full. Things that were healthy. Creativity was key and you were always so talented, but I know you also saw me as weak for taking your dad back every time,” she says, and my stomach dips.

“Mom. . .” I try to interject, but she stops me.

“Let me say my piece,” she urges, and I nod. “There was no right answer. He was the father of my three children. I couldn’t just let him die on the street. It felt like I was failing all of you. You guys liked when he came home. He’d bring those stupid chocolate bars and joke around with you guys. He was the fun guy. I had to be the responsible one.”

“That sounds a lot more complicated than I ever realized,” I say to Mom. “Didn’t you ever want to find a man you could love and who would love you back?”

Mom pinches her lips and gives me a knowing look. “I have someone like that, Maddie. We don’t live together. We have our own homes, but we’ve been soulmates for quite some time. He’s a good man and he knows I can’t just put your father out on the street.”

“Wow. Should we meet him?” I say, referring to my brothers and me.

“I think Will would like that very much. Your brothers don’t know about him. I always worried I would get pushback from them about replacing your father, but he really hasn’t been a husband to me for a long time. After the first time he left, I stopped. . .” She tilts her head from side to side. “There stopped being intimacy between us.”

Her words floor me. I had my parents’ relationship all wrong. I had Mom all wrong.

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