Page 55 of Anti Player

Asher plays with some of his Lego on the floor.

Brett comes into the kitchen, and I pass him his sandwich.

“Damn, you make all food look so good.”

“Thanks,” I say to my brother. “But how does it taste?”

“Like heaven,” he replies. “What the hell did you put in here?”

“I can’t tell you.” I grin.

Kaleb walks into the kitchen. Brett gives him a funny look. I get that he used to walk in here all the time, but I think Brett is needing boundaries with me and Asher here.

“Here, I made one for you too.” I pass Kaleb the sandwich.

“Sweet. Thanks,” he says.

I leave the kitchen to check on Asher because it feels too crowded in there with the three of us together. Things have changed for me and Kaleb. I’ve become hyperaware of him.

I check on Asher to see if he is ready for his outing with Brett. He’s on his bed talking to his teddy bear. I should announce my presence, but I also want to hear what my son is saying to his teddy bear. My heart warms when I hear him telling the teddy bear that he likes living here with his uncle, Brett. He goes on to gush about going with Kaleb and Brett to the zoo. Then he adds that Kaleb is super cool.

I warn my heart that there is no falling for Kaleb, yet I feel myself losing control.

“All ready?” I ask, announcing myself in Asher’s room.

“Yup,” Asher says.

“Okay, go grab your running shoes,” I say to my son, since they are going to the zoo and there will probably be lots of walking.

He brings his runners out to the main room. Kaleb and Brett are there waiting.

I begin to fantasize about Kaleb staying behind and us having another quickie, but I clear the thought fast because Asher is looking forward to spending time with him.

With the boys gone, I get to work on a cake. This time I decide on a cookies and cream flavor with a mix of vanilla andchocolate cake. I place earbuds in my ears and dance as I mix the ingredients.

With the cake in the oven, I set a timer and head over to the couch. I take a small nap until the alarm I set goes off. By the time I finish the cake the boys are back, minus Kaleb. Asher gushes about his day with the boys. Truth is, none of my boyfriends ever paid him this much attention and it would break my heart, but it was also hard to find a man who would love your child as much as you do and want to be a father figure.

“Can I see the cake?” Asher asks.

“Sure, kiddo,” I say.

“He had a lot of fun today,” Brett says as my son runs off. “I enjoyed our day too. It kind of makes me sad he doesn’t have a dad. I know the feeling all too well.” Brett’s words are whispered but they burn sharp in the center of my chest.

“I hate it too.” I sigh.

“Shit, I didn’t mean to get you down. It isn’t your fault.” He winces.

“It’s fine. We should get going,” I say to my brother. I don’t want to leave Ellie, Connor, and Syd waiting.

“Yeah,” Brett says, but I can see my situation weighing on him. He’s a great brother and I love him to pieces. I just hate that he bears my mistakes on his shoulders too.

Ellie opens the door with arms wide open and a warm smile. I give her a hug with one arm and pass her the cake.

“You’re spoiling us,” she teases.

Syd is so excited she jumps up and down. She tells Asher they need to choose a movie they both like.

Asher agrees and they run off, which is nice.

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