Page 5 of Dirty Dancer

The last of the gear had been packed into one of the trucks. We’d brought three of our own to handle all transport of the equipment, gear, and extras in case we needed to repair or replace any of it. The drivers had all been heavily vetted. Jasper offered them a separate contract for handling these routes, including bonuses for each city, and paid time off when Boo-Boo took breaks.

Considering the guys would be on the road more than home in Braxton Harbor, it seemed a reasonable exchange. All three were more than committed and we had two backup drivers amongst us if anyone got sick. Vaughn could handle one of the trucks, and Jasper would fly out to take over the other if necessary. I was almost dead certain Rome knew how to drive one, but he didn’t say and no one asked.

Then again, if Rome wanted to drive one, he’d just climb up in the cab and get it started. A laugh escaped me because that really did fit. One of the outer doors to the practice theater we’dbeen using for this break creaked as it was opened letting in street noise, the faint stink of exhaust, along with Vaughn and Rome.

I frowned at the sight of both of them, but Vaughn just waved off my concern. “She’s sleeping in with Liam this morning. Since he has to leave after lunch, we’re giving them the day.”

Relief crashed into me and I blew out a harsh breath. Rome bumped my shoulder on the way back. The guys limited contact most of the time. I’d known, but I hadn’t really noticed until we were on our way back from Pinetree and taking care of Boo-Boo was the priority.

The guys never crowded me, never started wrestling with me. Hell, they’d have those wrestling matches all the way around me, but I wasn’t involved unless I involved myself. The only one who actively didn’t hold back to grip my shoulder or give me a hug was Jasper. Somewhere in my brain, Jasper had been marked firmly “safe,” even if I trusted all of these guys with my life.

Rome paused to look at me even as Vaughn stayed where he was. He hadn’t moved away from the door yet. Fuck…

“I’m being weird,” I admitted and Vaughn shrugged.

“Not really,” he said in an even tone that insisted I believe him. “But you look worried.”

“Not worried,” Rome countered, and when I glanced at him, I found him really studying me. He even held my gaze for a long moment. He wasn’t one to stare, but I didn’t withdraw. “What’s wrong?”

I opened my mouth to say nothing, but then swallowed the lie unspoken. Maybe not a lie so much as a distinct untruth. “I’m worried about Boo-Boo.” It was wrong to talk about her when she wasn’t there to defend herself and at the same time, I didn’t think she’d admit to this one.

Fuck, Iwouldn’t. That thought crystalized for me exactly why I was worried. Boo-Boo was a beautiful mirror, she was all thegood things even with the shadows and the cracks, of survival and rising above it all. I wanted to be those things but…

“What’s up?” Vaughn asked, bringing me firmly back to earth and I folded my arms.

“It’s hard to put it into words,” I admitted. It was an instinct, a gut feeling. They could go with that sure, but I wasn’t sure that would tell them what they needed to know in order to do something about the issue.

“Do your best,” Rome said and he turned to grab one of the wooden crates that we weren’t taking with us. We’d consolidated. So he dragged it over and sat on it.

“Need coffee?” Vaughn offered. It was kind of funny, we all brought coffee in the mornings that we knew Boo-Boo would be right there, but I didn’t expect her to be here so I hadn’t…

Shaking off that thought, I scrubbed a hand over my face. The need to fidget was there, but I didn’t have anything to chew on or smoke or snort. All good things to not have, cause they usually get me into trouble. I settled for flicking my knife out and letting the blade dance over my fingers and began to pace.

Restlessness invaded every muscle. Rome waited, an oasis of calm on one side while Vaughn settled in to lean against the wall. Where Rome was calm, Vaughn seemed almost peaceful—no, it wasn’t peace. It was patience. He could, and would, wait for as long as it took me to figure out what to say.

It helped that the theater was quiet, the darkened stage areas offset by the low lighting in the backstage area. The smell of sawdust and sweat, that was how Boo-Boo described it. Back here was where the magic rested and prepped to be on the stage. It had to be a little dirty, a little grimy, and veryrealbecause when she was out there, she wasn’t.

Her little laugh when she’d explained it held a note of apology. Not that she had anything to be sorry about, but she worried I wouldn’t understand it. On the one hand, I hadn’t—not fully. But I didn’t need to be the one who understood. It was always about her and what she needed.

But right now? Right now, her words resonated as they whispered to me from the past.

“Back here, it’s the most real it ever gets. You see the running makeup, smell the sweat, and taste the hot lights and feel the sawdust where it clutters the corners. It’s reality, in all the ways thatrealitymakes it a little dirtier, a little grimier. Then I step out there… and all of that melts away as I become the fantasy and I fly. It’s the yin and the yang of the theater. I love it so damn much.”

“I’m going to be real with both of you right now, and I accept that you may not see things the way I do and that’s cool. But I know you don’t see what I do and I think—no, Iknowyou need to at least hear it. She needs all of us.”

I cut a look at Rome, and he nodded once. “You see Starling differently. We know.”

No questions or demands for proof. Just quiet, perfect acceptance. I raked a hand through my hair. It was getting longer and I needed to get it cut, but the one barber I trusted was back in Braxton Harbor. Maybe Boo-Boo could give me a hand…

Still dancing the blade, I continued my pacing. “She’s pushing herself really hard. Our last two breaks weren’t really breaks for her.”

Not that they weren’t aware. The three of us were the primary ones on this tour with her. We went city to city, Vaughn inspected every installation of her equipment. He went over it with a fine-tooth comb before every performance and if even one thing was off, he made the techs do it again.

No accidents on our watch.

Rome and I took turns being with her backstage throughout the prep and performance. There were a few other dancers on the tour. Most of whom she’d interviewed herself or had workedwith in the past. The history with them helped, but I didn’t know them and I wasn’t trusting them with her.

More often than not, there was a line after a performance when we were leaving whether we had breakdown or not to get ready to move on. She always made time to talk to her “fans,” particularly the kids. Those she gravitated right toward and I got it. I just hated the crowd.

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