Page 37 of It's Mother-Pucking Christmas!

I laced our fingers together, took the basket from her, and couldn’t stop staring at her as we walked slowly to my car. “The old women like to touch my muscles,” I teased Dakota. “They’re very appreciative.”

“And you won’t even let me feel you up,” she said with fake outrage. “Damn.”

Laughing as we approached her car, I slowed down, not wanting to let her go just yet. “They’re actually pretty lonely, most of them. Especially around the holidays. Some of them, their kids moved away, or they never had them, or their friends or spouses all passed away. I know how much it blows to be alone and forgotten on the holidays.”

Dakota gazed up at me. Then she leaned up and kissed me softly.

“You’re a really good person, you know that?” She squeezed my hand then kept walking past her car.

“What are you—”

“I’m coming with you,” she said.

“To volunteering?” I squinted in the bright sun.

“Sure!”

“Don’t you have—”

“What? Something better to do? You met my family. I’m not going to be trapped in a house with them all day.”

“Take off your shirt!”Several elderly women cackled when I walked into the senior living center, Dakota beside me.

Another woman snorted awake. “Is it Saturday already? My glasses. Myrtle, wake up. Where are my glasses?”

“Good afternoon, everyone. How are you all on this beautiful winter day?” I said, greeting them.

“Fuck the weather,” Myrtle said, peering at Dakota. “Who’s the broad?”

“Did you finally get a girlfriend?” Betty asked loudly.

“Maybe she’s lost.” Donna cackled.

“I can get a girlfriend,” I sputtered while Dakota laughed behind her hand.

“Ryder, you’re the very definition of ‘God does not give with both hands.’” Another elderly woman hobbled by on a walker. “Pretty but dumb as a box of rocks.”

“He’s not stupid, Edna,” Charles said from where he was slowly burning papers in the fireplace. “Just socially inept.”

“Body like that? I think I can overlook it.” Dakota squeezed my hand, laughter dancing in her eyes.

“Did you pay her to come here?” Mildred demanded.

“Oh no, we’re definitely dating.” Dakota reached up and kissed me right on the mouth. “And he’s the best boyfriend I’ve ever had.”

There were more shocked intakes of breath.

“Well, I’ll be damned.”

“Thought I’d die before I saw him manage to do more than say thank you to a woman.”

“Now just go easy on him!”

“Come over here, Ryder.” Edna grabbed his wrist. “You go help Frank off the toilet. He’s been in there for an hour. Says he’s fine, but I think he’s stuck.”

“I’m just trying to get away from you, Edna!” the old man yelled when I nudged the door open.

“You’re coming with us, girlfriend.” Mildred and Myrtle both grabbed one of Dakota’s arms and hauled her off.

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