Page 31 of It's Mother-Pucking Christmas!

“Then why…” Gracie hesitated. “I figured you’d be with him, is all. Your mom thought so too. She already told Aunt Stacy she could sleep off all the eggnog in your room.”

“Ryder doesn’t sleep with girls on the second date, apparently.”

“Oh!”

“He’s such a Boy Scout.” I couldn’t stop the affection in my voice. “He did say”—I swallowed a mouthful of gooey cheese—“he was going to fuck me on the third date.”

“Yummy!”

I sighed. “I bet it’s amazing. He’s amazing.”

“You really like this guy.”

“I don’t. I mean. I guess. He’s nice, right?”

“He’s great,” Gracie assured me. “Humble, handsome, volunteers, cares about his community. He’s a good man. Even with the bad start in childhood, it seems like he’s got his life together. And he has all his teeth.” She laughed at the joke.

“He’s got the best smile.” All I could see was that grin over his shoulder.

The wink.

The way I felt safe and cherished in his arms.

“Yeah,” I said wistfully. “He is pretty awesome.”

“So this is love!”

I elbowed Gracie. “You are good at a lot of things. Singing is not one of them.”

I couldn’t stop humming the song to myself, though, as I helped put away the food. Then I thought,What the hell? This isn’t love.

It better not be because this relationship was supposed to be fake.

14

RYDER

If this were a movie, I’d break into a song about how I was falling for the girl of my dreams.

But instead of a bunch of happy woodland creatures singing in harmony, there were four oversized hockey players raiding my fridge.

“Coach said we had to look out for you,” Mike said by way of greeting.

“By eating all the groceries that I’m the only one who goes and buys?” I asked them, tossing my wallet on the kitchen island.

“You’re home early.” Rick swallowed the rest of the hardboiled egg he was eating.

“Don’t feel too bad.” Pete gave me a crushing hug. The goalie slapped me on the back. “There are plenty of Christmas trees on the lot. You’ll find the perfect one.”

“You moved a little fast, is all.” Erik was rubbing my shoulders. “This was good practice, though. We’re here to do a post mortem.”

“Meeting the family was a big step, and you should be proud you made it that far,” Mike said solemnly.

“I don’t need a ‘You’re a loser speech.’” I shoved Erik off me and set the bag of leftovers on the counter. “I kissed her.” The grin on my face spread as they all cheered.

“Okay, what? Tell me everything,” Utah said, digging in the bag. “How was it? No performance anxiety?”

“I hope you used a condom,” Erik added.

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