Page 27 of It's Mother-Pucking Christmas!

The Arctic Avengers fight song broke out.

“Don’t pay them any mind,” Violet said, rubbing her hands over my shoulders. “They’re just jealous because a real man is making them look small and insignificant with his muscular masculine presence.”

I jumped as her hands went much lower than I thought anyone’s should be when they were in full view of their parents and other elderly family members.

“Don’t fucking touch him!” Dakota slapped her cousin. Not like a fun, playful slap but like a start-a-bar-fight slap.

I had dreamed, fantasized, longed to be part of a big family—the familiar joking, the hugging, the love. Maybe spontaneous dancing and singing.

This was nothing like I’d ever imagined.

Dakota’s cousin slapped her back. “Cunt!”

Then the two women were rolling around in the snow in the backyard while their relatives chanted, “Fight! Fight!” and they traded blows crazier than anything I’d seen on the ice.

Dakota’s mom was screaming and cursing at them to “Fucking stop it! Stop fighting! I swear to fucking god, Mark, get your fucking daughter!” One of the aunts ran out with a broom and whacked at the two women.

“You see!” Dakota’s dad hollered as his daughter and niece screamed at each other as they fought in the snow. “Do you see the kind of chaos you brought into this family, Dakota?”

“This isn’t on Ryder!” Granny Murray yelled. “Last weekend, you took a piss off Cindy’s porch, Mark, and started a three-hour brawl. The fire department was called.”

“Stop embarrassing me in front of company!” Dakota’s mom dumped an entire pitcher of beer out over the two women.

Sputtering, they were hauled apart. With blood running down her nose, Dakota was still screaming, “Fuck you, you fucking fuckheaded fucking man-stealing bitch! I know you’re out there hanging around the locker room. Don’t even fucking look at him!”

“Ryder doesn’t deserve you! Go back to Manhattan and fuck those slimy salamander belly-looking motherfucking finance bros!” Violet screeched and swiped her long nails at Dakota.

“Get up. Go change your clothes.” Their mothers chastised them and shoved their daughters inside the house.

Drama ended, the other family members wandered off.

I sat there stunned, my ears ringing. Someone shoved a plate heaping with turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, and green beans in front of me. I stared at it, shocked.

The pugs on the bench next to me begged for treats while I wondered what the best way to exit the party would be because I was not staying there anymore. I was crushed. My dreams for a big family? Done for. Dead. I wasn’t made to be in a family, that’s what it was. I just wasn’t family material. Small, big—didn’t matter. I was going to be alone forever.

The pugs started to yip excitedly. A shadow fell over the plate, then the table creaked as a man all in black sat in front of me, a black skullcap low on his head. Silvery gray eyes regarded me.

“You here to yell at me about how the Icebreakers suck?” I asked Hudson as he shoveled food in his mouth.

He took a swig of his beer. “I don’t do teams. It’s fucking bullshit. If you can’t play hockey, you’re on my shit list. Full stop. But”—his mouth quirked—“you can play, so I like you.”

I stabbed at a piece of turkey while the pugs tried to climb on me to get to Hudson.

“Sit,” he ordered the dogs.

They sat next to me, licking their noses.

“I gotta say I didn’t expect to see you here.” Hudson cut off another piece of turkey.

“I won’t be for long. This is…” I trailed off.

“Pure chaos?” He sipped the beer. “No siblings, I take it?”

I shook my head.

“I have five. Some of the worst human beings you will ever meet.” Hudson’s mouth quirked.

“Is it always like this?” I asked helplessly, feeling the angry glares.

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