Page 76 of I Won't Be In On Monday

"What are you talking about? Why would we go to Florida?"

"To Disney. Sort of like a blended family."

My heart stops for a second. "Dad, how old is this lady?" I cross my fingers and toes, praying to God that he doesn’t say twenty-eight. If this lady is in her twenties, I will scream. I will literally scream.

"Well, I don't know that she really would want me to disclose her age, but I do believe that she's fifty-four."

"Oh, thank God," I say.

"What's going on, darling?"

"Sorry. When you said she had a son and you wanted us to go to Disney, I was picturing she had some young kid, and..."

"Oh, no. Her son is 25, I believe."

"So then why would we be going to Disney?"

"I don't know. Isn't that what you kids like to do?"

"Dad, I'm not a kid anymore. In fact, I actually find myself in quite a conundrum right now."

"Oh, what's wrong? Is that why you've been so busy?"

"I don't really want to talk about it with you, Dad, but let's just say that I've gotten myself in a weird situation, and I may have to quit my job and move home because if I quit my job and I don't have income, then I can't pay my rent and..."

"Oh, boy. What happened with you and Remington?"

"What do you mean, what happened with me and Remington?"

"Did you guys hook up?"

"Dad, why would you say that? Why would you think that?"

"Well, you always talk about him in such a gracious tone, and your eyes always go googly, and well, you're always complaining about all the women that he's asking out. So I figured..."

"Dad, no, we did not hook up. What are you talking about?"

"So the reason you're feeling like you might have to quit your job has nothing to do with your boss."

"I mean, maybe, but this is not something I'm going to talk about with you. Plus, I have to go. I'm meeting some friends in thirty minutes, and I still have to shower and..." I groan, thinking about the last shower that I had.

“Is everything okay? What’s going on, darling?”

“Nothing.”

“Can I call you tomorrow evening?”

“I actually have a date, but maybe after that.”

“Oh, you’ve got a date with your boss?”

“No, I have a date with Marco. And maybe I should be blaming Marco for this whole mess because if he hadn’t asked me out on Friday night, then I wouldn’t have had to work. And if I didn’t have to work, then I wouldn’t have had Chinese food. And then if I hadn’t had Chinese food, he wouldn’t have dropped under the table. And oh, my gosh, I just cannot believe this has happened to me."

"Do I need to get you into a mental health facility, Juniper Hardman? You do sound like you're having a moment here, andif I'm quite honest, I can't understand anything you've just said. What does Chinese food have to do with anything, and who is Marco? And..."

"Oh, Dad, it's too complicated for me to explain, but I'll call you tomorrow evening or maybe Monday evening, and we can grab dinner."

"Okay, darling. Well, you have a good day, and if you need me, I'll be here, except for tomorrow between noon and four, because Morgan and I are going to grab lunch or brunch or whatever and then watch the matinee. But..."

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