Page 48 of I Won't Be In On Monday

I pick up my phone without even knowing what I'm doing and scroll through until I see Juniper’s name. I stare at mythumb on the screen for what must have been at least three minutes before I presscall. The phone rings, and Juniper answers with a loud yawn. “What is it, Remington?” She hiccups and then starts giggling. My heart jumps for joy for some unknown reason.

“What are you doing, Juniper?” I ask her as she continues giggling. “Are you drunk?”

“I am drunk. I had, like, five strawberry margaritas, the best strawberry margaritas in my life. And I think I'm going to move to Mexico so I can have them all the time. And I may or may not be going on a date with this gorgeous waiter, Marco, who asked me out, even though I said he wasn't going to ask me out."

"Sorry, what?”

“Skye and Lila were like, ‘This guy is going to ask you out.’ And I was like, ‘No, he's not, but then he did.’” She giggles some more and then hiccups loudly. “Oops, I'm so drunk.”

“What is going on here, Juniper?” I try to process all the information she's just given me. An uncomfortable feeling sits in the pit of my stomach. “You're moving to Mexico?” I ask the first question that's in my mind.

“No, goofy, I'm not really moving to Mexico. I was just saying that because I really enjoyed the strawberry margaritas. And, well, margaritas are Mexican.”

“So, were you just joking about this guy, Marco, or?—”

“No, he was our waiter. He was very tall, very good-looking, and he had these really vivid green eyes. Like, for a moment, I thought they were contact lenses, but I don't actually think they were. Anyway, he took forever to bring us our first drinks, and he said that the bartender made a mistake. And so, I?—”

I pause and release a small sigh. “How long is this story going to be, Juniper?”

“Sorry, it’s not long. Anyway, we were sort of bantering back and forth, and he left the table. And Skye said to me, 'I think hehas a crush on you.’ Well, not a crush, but she said she thinks he's going to ask me out. And I was like, 'No, he's not going to ask me out.’ Well, anyway, he did ask me out, and I think we're going to go out on Friday night, which is kind of exciting because?—”

“I’m going to need you to work late on Friday night. That’s actually why I was calling,” I say, lying through my teeth.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“I'm sure you heard that Liam Gallagher is going to be based in the New York office, right?"

“Yeah, but what's that got to do with me?” She sounds annoyed now. “Don't tell me you want me to babysit your daughter because you want to go have drinks with Liam.”

“No, that's not what I want. We need to work on some contracts that Liam needs by Monday morning, and it's actually going to be an all-weekend affair.”

“So, if we are working the weekend, why do I have to work on Friday evening, as well?” Her voice is loud, and she's not giggling anymore. I've pissed her off.

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interfere with your plans. If I had known beforehand that you were not going to be available, I would have told Liam that he would have to find someone else, but he doesn't have an assistant yet, and so I said I didn't think you wouldn't mind helping him out because you are a really great assistant.”

“Why is it that I’m such a great assistant, yet I’m constantly working, doing things off the clock?”

“You are not doing it off the clock, Juniper. You do get paid, and you get paid very handsomely. And I mean, I am giving you ample notice. How was I to know that in all the months of you working for me, this would be the one Friday that you would actually have a date?” There is silence on the other line, and I wonder if I've crossed the line. It was quite rude of me to bringup the fact that she didn't go on dates. “Look, I'm sorry. That came out poorly.”

“No, it's fine. I mean, you think I'm a loser. So, of course, you would think I could work on Friday night because I'm always free on Friday nights to do whatever you want me to do. So, why should this Friday be any different, right? Why should a gorgeous waiter like Marco have any interest in taking me out just because it's his one day off this week?”

“Well, I'm sure he has a day off next week,” I say. There's more silence on the other line. “Look, I’m sorry, Juniper. If this date means so much to you, and it's going to ruin your week and your possibilities with this guy, then of course, let me contact Liam and see if we can find someone at an agency to do this very confidential work for him, even though he wanted you because he trusts you so much.”

“It’s fine. I’ll do it.” She sighs. “Well, thanks for ruining my nice buzz.”

“I didn't mean to do that.” Now I feel guilty, really, really guilty. Maybe I should tell her it was an April Fool's joke, even though it's not April, or maybe I'll tell her that I made it up. No, that’s not a good idea. There's no way I can tell her that I made up an excuse for her to work on Friday because I didn't want her going out with some random waiter. Especially because I truly didn't even care. I think I'm just being paternal now that I'm a dad, and I want to ensure that she doesn't go out with losers. And this Marco sounds like a loser. I mean, I don't know anything about him, but the fact of the matter is, she said he couldn't even get a drink order right. What sort of waiter can't get a drink order right? I know I'm making no sense, but I'm trying to rationalize it to myself.

“So, was that it, Mr. Parker?” she says in a stilted tone. “Or did you want me to come over so that I could babysit Canyonso you could go and get laid tonight or something? Because I'm sure it's been a couple of days since your...” She pauses.

"Since what?"

"Since it was wet."

"Since what was wet?"

"Nothing."

I press my lips together to stop from laughing. “It’s actually been months, thank you very much.”

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