Page 27 of I Won't Be In On Monday

"Yup, I think so."

"Here you go, Ms. Juniper." She hands me the mic, and I take it from her, wondering if I've lost my mind. I am so far out of my comfort zone, it's not funny. "The stage is yours."

I stare out at the sea of eyes staring up at me, and the stage starts swaying slightly. I am nervous I'm going to faint.

What am I doing?I think to myself. I stare at Skye and Lila as they gaze up at me. I can see they're smiling at me, waiting patiently. Skye offers me a huge thumbs-up, and I take a deep breath. “So, I'm not normally a poet," I start, "but my friends thought I should try it out tonight." I wait for the crowd to clap or cheer me on, but everyone just stares at me wordlessly. Fuck... this is not going well.

"You can do it, Juniper," Skye shouts out, and Lila claps. I smile at them gratefully.

"So, I’ve got this boss. He’s not good at loss.” I groan at my crappy poetry. It’s not starting very well. I take another deep breath and close my eyes. I think of Remington and of myself, and then I think of everything that's going on in my life. "Some people look at me, they just see a lady in glasses. But I'm more than these thick black glasses. I got a brain inside. I got a brain that thinks, a brain that drinks, a brain that wants to be seen. A brain that wants me to be a queen." I clear my throat and blink as I stare at the crowd. There has to be at least thirty people sitting here, and I swallow hard.

I can tell I'm bombing. I should not be on this stage. I don't fit in here. I'm not a poet. I'm not talented in spoken word. I feel like a loser. Then I look down at Skye and see the proud smile on her face, and I look over at Lila, and she's nodding and clapping. I realize that even if they're the only two that like what I have to say, it's enough. I clear my throat and start again.

"I was walking down the street one day, and this man called out to me and said, ‘Hey, lady, you got a loaf of bread?' And I stared at him, about to say no, because who walks around with that sort of glow?” I pause as my brain processes what I just said. It didn’t make sense. “Then I looked him in the face, and he was sad, and I couldn't be mad because all he wanted was some food to eat. And I was just walking down the street with worries in my head, but I still had a warm bed. I had somewhere to go, even ifI was super slow." Some people laugh then, and I don't know if they're laughing with me or at me.I shrug off the fact that I know I’m bombing. I’m doing this for the experience, and that is all that matters.

"Sometimes I think that my life is so bad, and then I realize that I've got a lot to be glad about because, even though I don't have clout, I have a job, and I have a boss. And even though he doesn't know that if he didn't have me, he'd be at a loss, I know that he couldn't live without me. He couldn't be without me. And even if it's only because of the work that I do, I know I’ve got a clue. So don't look at these glasses or at these baggy pants and think you know what I'm about. Because under these clothes is a woman who knows that she's got clout."

I point my finger to the sky. "I can change these clothes. I can change this flow. I can change the way I speak, but you can't change my brain, and I don't want you to, because I'm the sort of girl that would be good to you. I'm the sort of girl that may not have a man, but maybe that's the plan, until I find a Dan that's good to me, that works for me, that loves me. And it may not be my boss. It may not be he who understands what a loss it is to not have me in his life. But it doesn't matter, because I ain't no home slice."

I pause and see someone laughing, and I know I will never do this again. "Thank you," I say, wrinkling my nose as I hurry off the stage. I want to groan out loud. Half of what I said didn’t make sense, but it doesn't even matter because I’ve realized something more important than anything else. I realized that I had true friends. Ride-or-die friends. Friends that would always be there for me. I always had Poppy, of course, but she wasn’t even in the country right now. I hurriedly sit next to Lila and Skye, who are chanting my name, and I can't stop myself from grinning. "How bad was I?" I say, but they start stomping their feet and clapping.

"That was so cool, Juniper. You really seemed to come alive." Skye looks at me in admiration. "You're amazing."

"I don't know about amazing, but while I wouldn't do it again, I did feel a slight exhilaration. I'm not exactly Emily Dickinson or William Wordsworth, but it was cool. Thank you for encouraging me and being here for me."

"You're welcome." Skye grasps my hand. "We're a crew, you know?"

"Yeah, we are.” I nod happily.

“So, I have to ask you this," Lila says, leaning forward. "Are you interested in Remington?"

"No. Why would you ask me that?" I blush.

"I don't know, because you've made several comments saying that you didn't mind that he didn't notice you. And I’m just wondering if that is something that you are hoping to happen."

"No, of course not," I say quickly. "I’m just..."

"Juniper, you're speaking to us," Skye says with a grin. "We are currently in relationships with our bosses at the same law firm. So, if that's something you want to make happen, then just..."

"No," I say quickly. "Trust me, Remington is a playboy, and I don't want my first real relationship to be with a playboy. Plus, he's got so much on his mind. He's a dad, and that is his..." I pause. "It's just complicated. Plus, he doesn't even look at me like that. I don't even think he realizes I'm a woman."

"Oh, he realizes," Skye says. "You're gorgeous, Juniper. I know that you think guys can't look past the glasses and the distinct attire you wear, but anyone who really looks at you can see that you're a stunning beauty."

"You're sweet," I say, "but I know when I look in the mirror, I'm definitely not seeing the next catwalk model or actress or singer or anything other than a dowdy librarian. But, I'm ready to change this image. I want to stun some random man. I want tohave my choice of bad boys." I laugh. "Not that I actually want a bad boy, but you know, I want them to want me."

"I know," Lila says. "You want to have the attention so that you feel like you're finally being seen."

I nod. "Exactly. I don't think that's too much to ask, right?"

"Not at all," Skye says. "And we will make it happen. You, my dear Juniper, are about to become the belle of the ball. I just hope you're ready for the ride."

"Trust me," I say, grinning at them both, "I have been ready for this ride my whole life, and I've also been ready for the ball. So, please, let me know where we're going as soon as I have this makeover, because I want to flirt and dance and sing and have the time of my life."

"I think we can arrange that," Skye says with a nod. "In fact, I think there's a major A-list party happening in a couple of weeks, and it’s themed. We can all dress up super sexy, and you can get your flirt on with the most eligible men in the city."

"That sounds cool," I nod. "I'm ready for a change in my life. I'm ready to be something and someone other than dependable ol’ Juniper. I am ready to meet a man whose jaw drops to the ground when he meets me." I don't tell them that I want that man to be Remington Parker. I don't tell them that I want to make him really see me. I'm not sure why. It's not because I don't trust them. I think it's because I'm too embarrassed to tell them. Maybe it's because I'm pretty sure that even after the makeover, he still won't notice me.

Chapter Eight

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