Page 47 of I Won't Be In On Monday

“She might write you a story. Juniper is a writer. Maybe one day she will read you one of her books. Or maybe she'll write you one.”

“Oh, I want her to read me a book. Where is she right now? Can she come over and read me my story tonight?”

“Oh, it’s late. She’s probably in bed,” I say, looking at my watch. “It’s already 9:00 p.m., and I know your bedtime is meant to be 7:30 p.m.”

“I don’t have a bedtime. I’m a big girl. Plus, Mommy says that—” She pauses, and her lips tremble.

“What’s wrong?” I say, my heart stopping for a second.

“I miss Mommy.” She blinks rapidly. “I mean, I’m a big girl. And I like being here. But I miss Mommy.” She lets out a deep sigh. “But I know she is going to be the best magician’s assistant in the world. And she told me that when they come and do a show in New York, I can go every single night.”

“Well, that sounds awesome. When are they going to do that?”

“She says that she doesn’t know because Boudini is not that great of a magician. He can only get shows in other countries. But she thinks that, if she’s the best assistant in the world, shecan make him better. And if she makes him better, then she can work in New York.” She grins at me. “At least, I think that’s what Mommy said.”

“Your mom said that to you?” I ask her. I’m surprised that Karen would have such a detailed conversation with Canyon. I don’t like it, but I’m not sure I have any place to say anything about it.

“Well, no, she didn’t say it to me. She said it to her friend, Carlos, because he was upset that Mommy was going to Asia, and he got angry. He was shouting and saying stuff like, “Don’t you love me?””

“Who is Carlos?” I say, frowning, hoping his anger wasn't directed toward Canyon.

“Oh, Mommy’s friend. He’s normally really nice. I think he was just upset because he was crying, and he said, 'This is the end, this is the end.’ And she was like, 'My career means more,’ or something like that. And then she said to me the next day, ‘It is important to be a strong, independent woman and never have to rely on a man for money because sometimes you rely on them and then they don’t give you money. And then you are stuck and you can’t buy anything.’”

I stare at her for a couple of seconds. I don’t like the fact that Karen has had this conversation with Canyon, and I’m not sure what place I have to discuss with Karen the sort of conversations she has going forward. I haven’t even been a father for a week yet. I let out a sigh. I will have to deal with the complications later.

“I can tell you a fairy tale that I heard when I was a little boy.”

“Okay.” She yawns. Yyou mean likeCinderella? I’d like to be Cinderella one day and marry Prince Charming and live in a castle and have lots of dresses and—” She pauses. “Well, I don’t want the stepmother part because she was mean.”

“Well, you’re very lucky, then. You don’t have a stepmother. I’m not married.”

“Do you think you’ll get married?” she asks as she rubs her eyes.

“Um, I’m not sure.”

“Do you think my mommy will get married?”

I pause for a second, wondering if this was going where I hoped it wasn’t going. I really didn't want her to ask me if I was going to marry her mom because there was no way in hell that was going to happen. But I don't want to hurt her feelings. “I'm sure if your mom wants to get married one day, then she can.” To someone else.

“I want to get married when I'm older and have lots and lots of dogs.”

“Dogs are always loving,” I say, nodding.

“Will you get me a dog?”

“Well, I live here in an apartment and?—”

“But you could get a house and get a dog.”

“I could,” I say, slowly, “but?—”

“I'm tired,” she says, yawning. “Can we talk about this tomorrow? I think I want to go to sleep.”

“Of course, Canyon.” I stand up, give her a kiss on the cheek, and tuck her in a little bit more. “Sweet dreams.”

“Night, night, Daddy,” she says. "I do want my story tomorrow, though, and we can talk about the dog some more."

I walk out of my bedroom and close the door slowly and head to the living room. I grab the two pillows that are on the couch and put them behind my head. I stare at the TV screen and the bright colorful images. The Disney Channel is still on, but I don't turn it. My life has changed so much, yet it's never felt more meaningful.

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