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Mom is quiet for a full minute. “You convinced Amanda that Petra is different. I guess that’s going to have to be enough for me. You always knew what you wanted, Reed, and you worked hard to get it. Moved to California, started your own company. If you know you want to be in Portland, I’m not going to stop you. If you’re falling in love with Petra, Ican’tstop you.”

Her lip quivers, and I reach for her hand in reassurance. “If it makes you feel better, I can’t stop me, either.”

She squeezes her eyes shut and shakes her head with a laugh that breaks my heart, because she doesn’t find any of this funny. “Just be safe,please.Keep your eyes open to her faults instead of blinding yourself to them.”

“I can do that. I’m not going to make the same mistake twice, Mom. I won’t ever put us all in danger like that again. I promise.” Mom and I have weathered worse storms together, and I need her support. I wouldn’t have made it through autumn without her and Amanda by my side. “But I don’t know that I can slow down for you.”

Mom laughs again, wiping at her tears. “I don’t know why I asked—you don’t have a slow bone in your body.”

Chapter thirty-four

Petra

The first, rare dayin Swift River that hints at spring fills me with joy. The dew and cloud layer both burn off, and I lay on the driveway, letting the heat of the concrete seep into my sweatshirt. When I have to get up and go to work, the lingering sunshine fortifies me against Tina’s side-eye, and Ray insistence that I should try dating again.

I want to date less than ever. The new,sluttier Petragets hit on at work all the time. It’s not fun and flirty. It’s annoying. Further proof that the attention Reed showered on me wasn’t what connected us. It’s that it washim. No one else evokes the same response.

Almost three weeks since Reed left, and the aching inside me still gnaws at my chest, growing worse each day. Each morning, I wake up and reread his texts. I wish I’d responded, but if Reed has moved on to something more fun, I’ll have missed my chance. That would hurt worse than not knowing, so I keep my words to myself.

I grab a coffee from the counter after my shift, intending to take advantage of the quiet house tonight to stay up late and edit. I take a sweet, toffee flavored sip as I walk to my car. It’s just as my seatbelt clicks into place that my phone rings.

Reed’s name flashes across the screen. It’s now or never. Keep dreaming, or go for what I want. What I want is to not be heartbroken. What I want is my mushroom of a dream.

What I want isReed.

I’m pathetically breathless when I answer. “Hi.”

“Darling Petra, how was your day?”

“Fine?” He’s so casual, like this isn’t the first time he’s called. I’m completely baffled by it, and say the first thing that comes to mind. “I had an eighty-four-year-old woman from church congratulate me for sleeping with you as I bagged her tomatoes. How was yours?”

Reed laughs and my heart squeezes. The sound soothes all the parts of me that were too prickly in his absence. The gnawing ache behind my ribs settles. “Oh, cheeky, unexpected Petra. How come you didn’t call me? Didn’t return any of my texts? Be honest, did I come on too strong with the drive?”

“What? You drive just fine.”

“Petra.” He’s definitely frowning. “Did you open the thumb drive?”

“Oh. No.” It’s sitting on my nightstand, and haunts me each time I glance at it. “I figured it was the recording of us.”

“And you decided you didn’t want to listen? This call is not going the direction I wanted it to. Will you do it tonight?” His voice switches from anticipatory to arrogant. “Is it a bath night?”

“Reed!” I scold, but he laughs. It won’t be enough. I don’t want the emptiness I’d experienced when I’d listened to him in the bath—lips tingling, chest aching for the closeness sex should bring. I want intimacy with Reed, not a voice in my ear.

“The way you screech my name, Pet, there’s nothing better.”

I roll my eyes. “Oh yes, what a sexy sound.” My cheeks are hot. I need to get him off the subject. “How’s…wherever you are?”

“Still in Iowa. I was imposing on my sister, but we all needed a break. I’m in a hotel, temporarily, and moving into my new house soon.”

“You bought a house?” I don’t know why it stings so much. It’s his life and he can move wherever he wants. I was a weeklong fling, and I’d known that from the start. But my dream withers and dies in my chest. “That’s great.”

Reed hums. “I want to tell you all about it, but later. I don’t want you to miss your bath-time relief.”

“It’s off my schedule. I canceled my DKP membership.”

“You did?” He sounds surprised. I don’t know why, when I’d told him that was my intention on our first date.

I stutter, flustered. “It’s not personal—you know I love what you do, but Knight’s not real, and not as cool as you.”

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