Page 67 of Audiophile

“Reed.Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!Kinley’s not preg—”

“No!God, no. It’s Petra. The woman I met here in Swift River. She had a miscarriage. I can’t—I just need to know what that means.”

“No,” Amanda gasps. “Oh. Reed.”

My heart plummets to my feet. “How far is it?”

“It’s unfathomable.” I can tell Amanda is holding back tears. “Nearly her third trimester. It destroyed me when I had one at eight weeks, between the girls. This is…Reed, half of the babies born at twenty-five weeks grow up to be healthy adults.”

All the words stick in my throat. I hate that Petra—beautiful, tenacious, giggling Petra—was shattered by this. All those times I watched her sink into herself.

“You better not be playing with this girl,” Amanda threatens, “or I’ll disown you.”

Petra was a shy, bold, hysterical girl at our first meeting, but she’s a woman with a past and wounds that run deep. Scars that I might be tearing open simply by being here.

“I can’t stay away from her. I can’t stop thinking about her. And you, only hearing that one thing about her, knowing what she endured but is still kind and wonderful, should know why I can’t.”

Amanda has her mom-tone front and center. “Reed, she’s not a puppy you found and need to take care of. You’re not being rational. How long have you known this woman?”

“Five days.”

“That’s not the foundation of a relationship.”

“Isn’t it?” I ask, defensive. “I’m not saying I’m in love with her. I barely know her.” That’s a lie. After hours of conversation, I know her better than anyone. But that also sounds insane. “Just wanting to spend more time with her? That’s not crazy at all.”

I don’t confess the rest of it. That I love having Petra in my arms. I love how her eyes blink shut as she gets tired, and her first smile of the morning. I love the way she blushes or laughs when she’s uncomfortable. The way she puts up with my shit with a good sense of humor instead of knocking me on my ass, as she should. Her insatiable hunger, even with her scars, to learn and experience everything she’s missed.

“It’s idiotic as hell,” Amanda retorts.

“How long before you knew you wanted to be with Ethan?”

There’s a long pause, after which Amanda sounds resigned. “From our first date. Does she know about what you do?”

I wince. This is going to be a hard sell to the family. “She’s a subscriber.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“She’s not Kinley.” My tone leaves no room for argument. “I’ve pursued her every step of the way. I stole her diary the day we met! All those red flags I should’ve recognized with Kinley? They’re me this time.”

“Youwhat?” Amanda yells. It’s the reaction I should’ve gotten from Petra. “What the fuck iswrongwith you?”

“I know, okay? I’m not good enough for her, but I’mtryingto be. Doesn’t that count for anything? That I want to be a better person for her?”

“Reed.” Amanda sighs. “You are a good person.”

“I wasn’t. I wasn’t making my own decisions. I was running and reacting. But Petra? I’mchoosingher.” The words aren’t enough. I want Amanda to know her the way I know her. “Petra laughs when she’s nervous, but tells me when I overstep. She’s a horrible liar. She loves reading fantasy and writes it, too. Her head’s too full, all the time, and she tries to drown out the noise because she hasn’t learned how to listen to herself. Trust herself. She needs me in her corner, and she’s always in mine.”

“It’s been less than a week!”

I bulldoze over her. “She loves to argue with her sister, has a deep relationship with her dad, and has a brother who cuts through the crap. And honestly, her mom scares the hell out of me. But theywelcomed me in. I never met any of Kinley’s family, probably because they know she’s insane. But Petra…she has a messed up ex and a miscarriage that haunts her to this day. She’s not perfect, and her life hasn’t been either. She’s handled all of that and is still kind—to a fault. Petra is headstrong and beautiful, and knowing how much pain she hides below the surface only amplifies those traits.”

Amanda is quiet.

“You told me, that day in LA, that my life wasn’t going to end there. And it didn’t. But choosing Petra is me finally living again.”

“You’re not allowed to use my words against me like that,” Amanda grumbles. “Alright. So you might be falling in love with this woman. Petra. What are you going to do about it?”

The burden of my feelings lessens. I might be crazy, but at least Amanda understands. “Isn’t that the fucking question? I mean, I’m selling the house in LA, but she loves it there.”

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