Page 150 of Rise of the Queen

He laughed. “It probably has something to do with it. It doesn’t explain how you’re so good at taking care of all of us, though. You were an only child. Aren’t only children supposed to be spoiled and bratty?”

“I fail to see why you phrased that like a question, Papa Bear. Have you met me? Have you not seen how I refuse to use my own legs to walk as much as possible? Are you unsure of what spoiled and bratty really mean? It’s a translation problem, isn’t it?”

He reached out and pushed me over gently. “I know what it means. Maybe you are a little bratty, but I would not call you spoiled. You’re so thoughtful is what I mean. Even when I was being an asshole, you were more concerned with how it affected the other guys than you were with how it affected you. Even though I know you’re struggling with it more than they are.”

I was quiet for a moment, trying to think of how I wanted to respond. I was surprised he actually admitted he was an asshole. “You have more history with them than you do me. I’m your boss’s girlfriend. They’re your brothers. I’m also the reason things got so weird. Literally. From the very beginning. It’s all because of me. If you need someone to be mad at, it should be me. They haven’t done anything wrong.”

He reached over and pulled my left hand out of my pocket. “You’re more than his girlfriend, Sephie,” he said. He held my hand up to look at the ring. “And you’re more than that to the rest of us too. This should be a constant reminder to you of that fact.”

I stayed quiet, looking at my ring, but still thinking about how I’d been the catalyst for their lives to change so completely.

“You’re still worried that me asking to have my demon taken away was a rejection of you in some way. It wasn’t. It’s not gone forever either,” he said. He looked out at the lake, watching the reflection of the clouds in the water. He inhaled deeply, then continued, “I have always been the serious one. Always responsible. I’ve always made sure everyone is taken care of. It’s just how I am. My mother used to worry about me when I was younger. She was worried I would eventually decide that I’d missed out on my childhood because I never was a normal kid. I never got into the normal troublesome situations that kids do when they’re young. I took school seriously, I took the military seriously, I took my marriage seriously. This decision wasn’t any different, with one exception.” He looked over at me. I could see him struggling to keep it together long enough to finish his thought. “This time, I chose me. I don’t want any more responsibility. What I have already is plenty. I’m not ready to be able to take on thoughts and feelings of everyone else too. I just went about it in the most asshole way possible, and for that, I’m very sorry.”

I scooted over closer to him, not only because I was slightly cold sitting there, but so I could lean against him. “I know you’ve struggled with everything extra that’s been happening for a while. It was always your choice as to what would happen. I respect that. Everyone else respects that as well. The biggest issue is we know you’re not comfortable around us. It’s like a constant reminder for the rest of us that you chose a different path. I don’t care that you did. You did what was right for you and I respect the choice you made. I just want you to feel comfortable around us again. I can barely contain my emotions on a good day, which means I can barely contain when my eyes change. Now you have to look at Ivan and Adrik too. I don’t want to be the reason you’re having PTSD flashbacks because I can’t keep it together. I’ve already condemned the rest of themto forever have to endure whatever it is I feel at any given time. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable around me, or any of us, as well.”

“You haven’t condemned anyone, Sephie. They love that they’re so connected to you. Seriously. They talk about it all the time,” he said, smiling sweetly at me. “And honestly, what you did last night at the fundraiser for that girl made me realize what a complete asshole I’ve been this whole time. I was so focused on the demon that I forgot you’re still you. You’re so incredibly good that you even convinced a demon to help you be even better.” He paused, looking at me very seriously. “That’s exactly the reason why I’m not ready yet. I still focus on the bad too much. There was too much of a chance that my demon would’ve won.”

“You’re still incredibly reasonable, for the record. I think that’s a very mature decision to make. I can tell you that I don’t think it would’ve happened, but I also don’t live in your head. I support your decision. I always have. It will happen when you’re ready. Or maybe not at all. It’s always going to be your choice. In every lifetime,” I said. “And as for the girl last night, I know what she’s going through. She just needs someone to believe her. You guys were that for me. Maybe Ilya can help her with that too.”

He put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer and kissing the top of my head. “You do so much for everyone else without a second thought. I’m so sorry I doubted you.”

“You had your reasons. I just want you to feel comfortable again. For your sake, just as much as ours. Did Kostya fix you again?” I asked.

“He did. What Stephen did helped tremendously. I was going to ask him to do it again, actually. As much as I didn’t want it to happen the first time, I do recognize how helpful it was. I don’t think it got everything the first time though. You were right, too.I was choosing pain over all of you. I see that now,” he said, squeezing my shoulders.

“You’ve been carrying it around for so long that it’s become a part of you. It can be scary to let it go. We all knew you weren’t really mad, for the record. You were scared. It’s okay to be scared, but I want you to try and remember that you don’t have to face it alone. We’re all here for you and we all love you.”

He didn’t say anything, he just held me a little tighter, leaning his head on mine. I heard his breath catch a few times and I knew he was trying to hold back the tears. Even with as irritated with him as I’d been, I still wanted things to go back to normal between all of us. I could learn to deal with him not being as connected as the rest of the guys, as long as we could find ways to make him feel more comfortable around all of us. We needed each other.

Viktor and I talked for a little longer, but I eventually started to shiver so we decided to head back to the house. We’d been gone for a few hours anyway. He stood up, helping me do the same. He turned around and stood in front of me. “Get on, princess. Can’t have you walking back to the house on your own, now can we?”

I giggled as I readily hopped on his back. “This is called enabling. I might love you a little more for it too,” I said, hugging his neck a little tighter as he walked us back to the house.

I had to admit that I felt much better after our talk. He assured me that he was feeling more comfortable around everyone already. He promised me that he would ask Stephen to help himagain while we were at the house, so he didn’t have to worry about so much.

“You know there’s a chance that it won’t be just me, Adrik, and Ivan for much longer, right?” I said as we got closer to the house.

“I know. That’s partly why I want to ask Stephen to help me now. Everything seems to be speeding up. It wouldn’t surprise me if Misha, Andrei and Stephen figured out how to do it soon too. Some part of me is happy to see it. The more we find out about Ricardo, the worse it seems. Same for Martin. There’s still that part of me that’s scared of it though. I know I shouldn’t be, but I’m still struggling to not focus on the demons.”

“You realize this is the same thing that Ivan went through when he had to go to a hospital, right? He could never see you when you were trying to help him just like you couldn’t see us when we were trying to help you.” Viktor stopped walking. I had to hold on a little tighter, even. I thought he was going to drop me as his hands fell to his sides. I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped. “That irritation that you used to feel with Ivan in that situation is the same way we’ve all felt lately.”

He craned his neck around to try and look at me. “I never would’ve put that together. I owe him another apology, it seems.”

“Eh, I think they all understand. You show your love by making sure people you care about are taken care of. Same as me. The fact that Ivan couldn’t see you in that situation made you feel somewhat rejected. Same as me. The fact that you couldn’t see past my demon made me feel rejected. The fact that you had yours removed made my demon feel rejected. I was doubly irritated,” I said, laughing.

“That makes so much more sense. I was never really sure why you were so irritated with me. I just knew I was an asshole and that wasn’t helping,” Viktor said.

“I would’ve told you sooner, but somebody has been avoiding me for quite some time,” I said, tightening my grip around his neck.

He laughed, apologizing yet again as we walked toward the back door.

“Don’t worry. I forgive you,” I said. “As long as we’re good again.”

“We’re good again, sestrichka. Promise,” he said. The back room was empty when we walked in. He stopped to put me down.

“Good,” I said. Ivan walked in on his way to the kitchen.

“Princess, your goddamn prince will be happy you’re back. He’s cranky when he has to be away from you for very long,” he said, grinning at me.

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