Page 129 of Rise of the Queen

We could also clearly see the tears threatening to fall.

I backed off. Ivan did too, once he saw me move back slightly. Sephie turned toward Viktor, but she was looking at the floor for a moment. I knew she was trying to get her eyes to change back. When she looked up at him, we were all hit with a wave of her sadness. This was tearing her up inside.

“Viktor, would you have let Stephen help you if he didn’t sneak up on you?” she asked. He didn’t answer her at first. He looked like he was too angry to answer her. “You don’t have to answer. I know you weren’t going to.” She paused for a moment, trying to keep herself together, but we could all feel the turmoil she was in. She was finally letting herself really feel the pain of him avoiding her, the pain of him rejecting us, his discomfort at being around us. “You’re allowed to feel however you want to feel about us now that you know everything, Viktor. I won’t stop you. I won’t even judge you. I understand it’s a lot to deal with. What hurts me, though, is that you would rather hold on to the pain you’ve been carrying around for years than to get help with it so you can feel good again. You’re choosing pain over us. And it’s not even that I’m hurt that you would choose pain over me, because I’ve been in your life for a very short amount of time. But the fact that you would choose pain over these five men who’ve been through so much with you is a little much for me to bear.”

She didn’t wait for him to respond to her. She turned and walked back to the bedroom, closing the door behind her. We could all feel her fall apart as soon as she was alone. I knew Viktor wasn’t as connected to her as the rest of us, but I found myself wishing he was at this moment so he could feel the pain she was in over this.

“Go to her. We’ll sort this out,”Ivan said. “Do whatever you need to do to make her happy again. I don’t know how long I can stand her feeling like this without killing him.”

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Sephie

I left Viktor still seething,along with the rest of them. I just needed a break after everything today. I didn’t even do that much today. Stephen did the majority of it. I still found myself feeling exhausted though. I’d been fighting coming to terms with Viktor avoiding me for so long, and I just didn’t have the strength to do so any longer.

Apparently, Stephen was more talented than he thought. I wasn’t able to hold this back any longer after he helped me get rid of everything from earlier in the day.

Once I closed the bedroom door behind me, I fell apart. I felt guilty for doing so, knowing they were all going to feel it. There wasn’t anything I could do about it either. If I tried to keep it from them, it made it worse. They were condemned to feel everything I was feeling from now on, and I didn’t know how to fix that.

I was sitting on the bed, hugging my knees to my chest, my forehead resting on my arms, when I heard Adrik quietly come in the bedroom. He didn’t say anything, he just climbed on the bed behind me, wrapping his arms and legs around me. Hishands lightly ran over my arms and legs, trying to offer comfort where he could.

Instead of staying curled up in a ball, I turned toward him, climbing into his lap. My arms and legs now wrapped around him; I could feel the pull in my chest from him. His hands ran lightly through my hair and over my back as he held onto me while I worked to get control of myself.

After letting me cry for several minutes, he finally asked, “I know you’re upset about Viktor, but there’s something else now isn’t there?” I nodded my head against his shoulder, without picking my head up. I felt his hand on the back of my neck, pulling me far enough away that he could look at me. He didn’t need me to answer. He was good enough now that he could find the answer on his own. He looked pained when he found what he was looking for, but then a small smile appeared on his face. “You seem to have forgotten how upset I was at not being able to feel you this afternoon.”

I did forget. He was angry with me for figuring out a way to shut him out completely. As far as he was concerned, my reason for doing so didn’t matter. I couldn’t help the small smile that gradually stretched across my face as I remembered his reaction to not being able to feel me.

“I’m not the only one who feels that way, Sephie. Given the chance to be connected to you or not connected to you, they’re all going to pick you. Every single time,” he said.

“Maybe not all of them,” I said, once again thinking about Viktor.

He took a deep breath. I could feel his frustration at the situation as well. “I would’ve said he would come around, but after what just happened, I’m honestly not sure anymore.”

I let my fingers trace the outline of his face, running through his ever-present stubble. He closed his eyes, leaning into mytouch. “Maybe he needs time to realize how much better he feels after Stephen helped him? I don’t know either. I never expected this to happen. It’s not just you and Ivan though. It’s all of them. They’re all irritated with Viktor. I’m not sure if it’s making everything worse or not. Maybe he does feel like he’s being singled out,” I said.

“I don’t know either. What I do know, however,” he said as he cupped my face with both of his hands, pressing his lips to mine, “is that I’m starting to tell the difference between you and your demon. It was also very angry with me earlier today when I told you to never shut me out again.” He had a boyish grin on his face as he watched the surprise on my face.

“Really?”

“Really. I started noticing it when we were at the hotel. We all did, I think. But then when you got mad at me, it was like you were doubly mad. It was your anger, plus some,” he said.

I was quiet for a moment, mulling over what he’d just told me. “What if by acknowledging them we’re strengthening the connection even more? It seems like each time we do, something new like that happens. Mine tried to save me, all of ours tried to warn us. Maybe they want to talk to us,” I said.

“So now I have to deal with Ivan in my head, as well as my demon?” he said, faking inconvenience.

I giggled. “You’re going to have a panel of voices in your head.”

His handsome smile stretched across his face. “I’m happy to see your smile. You’re lighter again. When you’re not thinking about Viktor. Stephen really did help you. So did Viktor. The difference was obvious.”

“Maybe he just needs Kostya to fix him again and he’ll feel better too,” I said. “What happened after I left? I haven’t heard any commotion. I guess they aren’t fighting out there.”

“Ivan told me to come back here. He said he wouldn’t be able to stand you feeling the way you were when you left for very long,” he said. I looked down, trying to keep the guilty feeling from growing too strong. I felt his fingers lift my chin so I would meet his gaze once more. “He just wants you to feel better. He would’ve said the same thing even if he couldn’t feel you. It was very obvious that you were upset.” He leaned forward, his lips against mine. He pulled back so he could look me in the eyes again, searching for the thoughts that were running through my head. He pulled me to him, holding me tightly. “We’ll figure this out. Promise.”

We sat in silence for a while, before his curiosity got the best of him. “You and Andrei can talk to each other almost as easily as you talk to me and Ivan now, can’t you?”

I nodded my head against his shoulder again. “It’s easier the more we do it. I still don’t know how he communicates with Misha. I haven’t tried it with him yet. I’m experimenting with Stephen. I think he’s the most difficult right now. I need to be touching him to get information to him.”

“But he’s incredibly observant. I think half the time he already knows whatever it is we need to tell him,” Adrik said. “I never knew that guy had this much going on in his head all these years.”

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