Page 23 of Three Reasons

You have opened something inside me I never knew was there. I’d closed my heart off so long ago, and with one hot look, a whispered touch, and sweet promises, you have me wanting everything you seem to be offering.

The thing is…

I’m terrified I’ll screw this up. I’ve spent so much time fighting any kind of emotion that I’m having trouble accepting the ones you seem to bring out in me. Don’t get me wrong, I love that you so easily read me, accept me, know me. Only, I need to know me before I can give you me.

Does that even make sense?

My point is, I want this; I want us. More than I’ve wanted anything in my entire life.

Before I can accept it, though, I need to be sure about all these feelings. You have both shown me how you feel, last night. I have NO doubts about either of you. Only me.

So, I ask that you give me some time to figure out my crazy brain and beat it into submission with my heart. Please.

Christmas is in a couple of days, and I would love to spend it with both of you if you don’t have any plans. So, this is me formally inviting you to my home for a Christmas feast unlike anything you’ve had. Then I’ll give you a call tonight to talk.

Talk soon.

Yours, Gray.

Leaving is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I feel instantaneous regret as I quietly close the locked door behind me. Getting into the waiting cab, I stare at the guys' house for as long as possible before arriving at my shop.

Once inside my safe haven, I get to work rescheduling my appointments for the next couple of days because I had planned to work right up until Christmas. But now, I want to be in a place, mentally, where I can accept what Eli and Callan are offering me, and it’s then, with dreaded realization, that I need to go home.

To claim my future, I'll have to confront my past.

Callan

Picking up the letter from the counter, I don’t know if I should be shocked, disappointed, or pissed the fuck off. Eli has gone straight to pissed off.

She fucking bolted. Didn’t even give the three of us a chance. Sure, she said she needed to figure out her own mind, but I don’t know what to think.

“She’ll be back.” Eli’s angry growl doesn’t sound nearly as convincing as he wants it to.

“Let her go, Eli. We’ll be better off in the end.” I walk away before I do something stupid like punch a hole in the goddamn wall.

“You’re just going to let her go?” Eli asks with disbelief.

Hanging my head, I don’t turn around. “It shouldn’t be a this or that, Eli. She either wants us or she doesn’t.”

I don’t know about my friend, but I need to clear my head. Slipping on runners, I leave out the front door, fully intent on working sexy little Gray Ryhan out of my system.

Ignoring the cold and the fresh snow on the ground, I take the same path every day: around the block, through the park,and stop at the coffee shop on the corner of Second Street—a few blocks from our business.

Up the corner from Gray’s shop.

Fuck.

How have I never noticed this before? How have we never seen her around? We’ve come to this same place for coffee every morning for over a year. It doesn't seem possible to have never crossed paths with the fiery tattoo artist until now.

Standing on the sidewalk, I stare at her front window, remembering her pain from the night before. Her confession of never being enough to the people she loved, never measuring up. I can’t imagine what that was like for such a young girl.

Shit.

Eli’s right.

She’ll be back.

No, fuck that. We’ll go to her.

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