Page 61 of Body Shot

I want him to make love to me.

I want to know what it feels like when it’s right and there isn’t the barrier of a medical anomaly. When a man who knows what he’s doing makes you feel good. When you like a guy who likes you back and you become as intimate as two people can be.

In my head, there’s something intrinsically important about that kind of mating. Maybe not for everyone, but for me, it means something. And despite the way things had gone down with Seth, I’d known that being with him wasn’t quite right. He was my first and only boyfriend, so it felt like I had to sleep with him because that was what couples did.

Yet the passion was never there. It had mostly felt like a chore, and after my humiliating experience that first and only time, I’d convinced myself it was because sex just wasn’t that big of a deal.

Now I know better but the build up has left me doing what I do best—overthinking every damn thing.

But not anymore.

Tomorrow I’m going to give Anders the green light.

It’s time to take the plunge, no matter how nervous it makes me.

The thing is, I know Anders won’t hurt me. Not physically anyway.

And I want to share this with him before I leave for Philadelphia.

I’m positive what happens in the bedroom is going to tell me everything I need to know about our potential as a couple. It’s not completely rational, because lots of people have great sex and then never see each other again, but this is different. Or maybe I’m the one that’s different.

Either way, I’m ready.

For everything.

TWENTY-ONE

Anders

I stopto buy flowers and champagne before I pick up Claudia. I’d reached out to Johan about a housewarming gift, and he said they didn’t need anything but I figured flowers and a nice bottle of champagne were a polite touch. As much as I would have liked to buy flowers for Claudia, she wouldn’t have anywhere to keep them since we were going to dinner and then back to my place.

In my head, I’ve got the next couple of days planned out.

Tonight, we’ll be with our friends, hanging out as a couple.

Tomorrow, we’ll go pick up Hana and I’ll drop the two of them off at some outlet mall they’re dying to go to. Once they finish shopping, I’ve made reservations at a restaurant on the beach for the two of us. It’s upscale and pricey, with a gorgeous view of the water, where we can watch the sunset if the weather cooperates. Afterward, I’ll leave it up to her if she wants to go dancing or for a walk on the beach after we eat.

On Saturday, Aiden and I picked up tickets to a comedy club, and he’s planning to ask Hana if she wants to go. That way,Claudia and I can be together, but she can spend time with Hana too.

Aiden seemed happy to have an excuse to spend time with Hana when I brought it up, so I’d gone ahead and made plans.

Hopefully, Claudia won’t mind.

I want to show her I’m interested in more than just sex, and that I want to spend time with her.

“Hi!” She tosses a backpack into the back and jumps into my Corvette before I can get out to help her.

“Hey.” I lean over to kiss her and forget all about being a gentleman. “Mmm, you taste good.”

“New lip gloss. It’s pina colada flavored.”

“I like it. I might have to spend all night kissing you.”

“That’s fine with me.”

We smile at each other for a moment, enjoying that ever-present spark of electricity, before I tamp it down, put the car in drive, and pull forward.

“I bought flowers for Sloane, and champagne for Johan,” I say. “That’s an acceptable gift for a pseudo-housewarming where the hosts specifically tell you not to buy anything for the house, right?”

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