Page 35 of Body Shot

What the hell is happening to me?

TWELVE

Claudia

Anders isunlike any guy I’ve ever spent any time with. He’s gentle and kind. Thoughtful and intelligent, from what I can tell. He has a faint accent, but his English is almost perfect, so I have to believe he’s fairly well-read since I know he didn’t go to college. He’s attentive but not aggressive, and he doesn’t seem to mind my inexperience. Not to mention, he’s so gorgeous it almost hurts to look at him.

I’m not stupid. I know there’s probably an element of his ego and him accepting the challenge of getting me to sleep with him that’s driving whatever this is.

But it doesn’t feel that way.

When he says he’s okay with my boundaries, I believe him.

When he says he can get me off with all my clothes on, I don’t just believe him, I’m desperate for him to try.

Because I’ve never had an orgasm.

I’m too fucked in the head to try on my own, and obviously, there hasn’t been a man in my life since the Seth Crandalldisaster. His attempts to get me off using his fingers had been woefully inept and ultimately unsuccessful.

My willingness to contemplate having sex—even if intercourse is still off the table—is a little disconcerting, but that’s just it. It’s because it’s this particular man. Anders. I don’t understand what this bond is, and maybe I wouldn’t even be considering whatever it is I’m considering under different circumstances.

On vacation.

Surrounded by people I know and trust, like Hana and Johan.

I know with every fiber of my being that Johan would get involved if he had a single concern about my going out with Anders. Hana is extremely protective of me, and though she wants me to get out there and enjoy life, she would tell me if she was worried that Anders might hurt me in any way beyond the potential broken heart.

Which is why we’re still sitting on the beach as the sun sets, my back to his front, his arms around me as we sip cocktails and talk with our friends.

It’s been a wonderful day.

Surfing. Sunning. Friendship. Kissing and hand holding.

I’d convinced myself I didn’t need romance, a boyfriend, or anything that went with it, because of what happened with Seth.

Experiencing it with Anders changes everything.

I’m still terrified at the thought of having sex again, but I’m also fairly secure that Anders won’t push it. That he’s genuinely willing to wait for me to figure it out. Or not.

I’m only here for a week, after all, and I’m not sure how much time we’re going to spend together. How do I ask Hana to give up our girls’ week to spend it with this great guy I may never see again? Is it even worth it to risk my heart like this?

I already know the answer is yes.

I look over to where Hana is sitting with Johan, Sloane, and Aiden. Felix left about an hour ago, and though Hana and I haven’t talked, I could tell she was annoyed with him. Johan is going to drive her back to our hotel when they’re ready to go, but I’m not ready for my time with Anders to end.

“I think the pizza’s here, sweetheart. What kind do you want?”

Why do my girlie parts jump to attention when he calls me that?

“Any kind,” I murmur, leaning back against him.

“I’m not ready to end our date,” he whispers against my ear.

Like he’d read my mind.

“Me either,” I whisper.

“Sweetheart…” He drops his chin onto my shoulder. “I know this is your girls’ trip, and I’m trying to be respectful of that, but I want to spend more time with you. Is there a compromise we can make? Is it even something you want? To spend more time together?”

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